


Nobody said it was easy

by ifzi0531



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, slight kid-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:57:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3306485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifzi0531/pseuds/ifzi0531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I’m gay.” Harry says, making Niall choke on his drink and he coughs slightly. It takes him over a few more seconds to breathe properly, before he shakes his head, blinking his eyes, staring at Harry.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>“Excuse me?”</i></p><p>  <i>Harry chuckles. “I’m just saying. Cause you seemed to be so sure that I have a wife back home.” He points out, smirking at Niall.</i></p><p>or </p><p>Harry and Niall are in a relationship, and nobody said it was easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody said it was easy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is the story that I've been writing on and off for these past few months. Been contemplating whether to post this or not during all of those months too, but here it is, for you to read. 
> 
> p/s: [Ashley](http://dmphelps.tumblr.com/) is a nice girl who helped me to point out my grammatical errors here and there :) 
> 
>    
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction.

“Hello, Dr. _Sexy_.”

Niall snorts, shaking his head slightly, before he glances up from his clipboard and of course, standing beside him is one of the nurses at the hospital, which is also happens to be one of his best friends. “Hi, Louis. And by the way, I told you not to call me that, it’s been years.” Niall says, trying to glare disapprovingly at his friend but end up making Louis laughing out loud instead.

“Well, it’s still fun to see your blushing cheeks every time I bring that out.” Louis points out and Niall rolls his eyes. He slaps Louis playfully with his clipboard, earning a pout from the other guy. 

Niall still remember the story that took place a couple of years ago, when he was just starting his work at the hospital. Louis started working at the same time as Niall too, and they hit it off as friends right away. It was not long after they met, they had been assigned to treat their first patient and of course Louis was in the same team with Niall too. The patient had called him Dr. Sexy, which of course, had been heard by Louis and since then Louis used it to tease him mercilessly. 

“Don’t you have work to do?” Niall asks, they both walking side by side to the north wing of the hospital. Niall had just finished the examination with one of his patients and he was not sure about Louis. 

“Just finished with the last patient today.” Louis replies to Niall. “How about we get some coffee in between? My shift will end in an hour though.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows, trying to coax Niall to join him to release his boredom. 

Niall smiles at his friend. “Well-,“ Niall is about to give his reply to Louis when Zayn suddenly appears in front of them and his gaze is directed towards Niall. 

“Niall, I need your help. There is a guy with his daughter, seems like she had a bit of an accident and probably broke her arm. But I need to leave now because my mum is going to kill me if I don’t reach the event on time. Can you cover for me, please?” Zayn asks, a little bit breathless, and by the look of it, Niall knows how important the event is for Zayn. 

So, naturally, Niall nods. “Of course I can. Where is the guy and his daughter?” 

Zayn smiles. “At the waiting room of the ER.” He tells Niall, before reaching down to cup Niall’s face and kiss both of his cheeks. “You’re the best friend ever.” He says, before he starts to walk towards the exit door. 

“Hey, what about my kiss?” Louis asks, sulking and pouting slightly, which only earn a wave off by Zayn. “Later!” He shouts back. 

Niall shakes his head at his best friends before he turns to look at Louis. “Sorry, Louis. It looks like you have to get the coffee by yourself.” He says, smiling apologetically at the other guy. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Fine. Everybody wants to leave me alone.” He says dramatically, before taking off towards the direction of the cafeteria. 

Niall chuckles. Sometimes he can’t believe that Louis is older than both him and Zayn, yet still act like a kid. He shakes his head, straightening up, before he marches towards the direction that Zayn had told him.

************************

The first thing that comes into Niall’s mind when he sees the young guy, with a daughter in his arm, is _adorable_. Niall glances around, trying to figure out if this is the guy that Zayn had mentioned earlier. Niall feels confident when he sees that none of other patients have a child with them so he walks closer towards the pair.

“Hi.” Niall greets softly, trying not to startle both of them. The guy glances up, and Niall gives him a friendly smile. “Hi, my friend, the other doctor sent me over here to examine your daughter. Which I’m assuming is both of you. Sorry I forgot to ask your name, Mr-“

The guy returns Niall’s smile. “Styles. Harry Styles.” He replies. “By your friend, do you mean the one with the dark-haired and cool glasses and looks like a model instead of a doctor?” He asks, making Niall chuckle and nods. 

“Yeah, that one.” Niall says. Then he starts to crouch down, trying to look at the little girl in Harry’s arm. “Hi. What is your name?” He asks gently, trying to make the girl to look at him. “My name is Dr. Horan, but you can call me Niall if you want to.” 

She stares at Niall, probably contemplating whether she should trust him or not and then she glances at Harry, looking for approval. Niall watches Harry nods encouragingly at her and she turns to look at Niall again. “My name is Lily.” She tells Niall shyly. 

Niall’s smile gets wider than before and he nods at her. “Okay, Lily. I’ve heard you hurt your arm. So later I will need you to tell me everything about how you feel, okay?” He says, and when she nods, Niall pats her head gently. 

Then Niall starts to stand up, looking at Harry. “What happened?” 

Harry sighs heavily. “She fell off the slide at the park. I was just glancing down at my phone for two seconds, and the next thing I knew, she was already on the ground, and kept saying that her left arm was in pain.”

Niall nods, staring at the slightly bent arm of the girl. “I see. I think you need to carry her to the examination room then I can proceed to check on her properly.” He informs Harry. “Or do you need me to call someone to pick her up?”

Harry quickly shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I can do it.” He says, picking up his daughter gently, making Niall slightly cooing at the adorable sight.

************************

It doesn’t take long for Niall to confirm that Lily’s left arm is indeed broken. He tries his best to make Lily feel less painful, or at least forget about the pain when the arm is being casted. It’s not his first time doing this job either, but it doesn’t mean that his heart doesn’t break slightly every time he sees any kid crying because of the pain.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re a brave, good girl.” Niall says, reassuring Lily and smiles gently at her. “After this, we can get an ice-cream for you, okay?” 

That grabs Lily’s attention, her eyes widen as she stares at Niall, and her lips quirks into a smile. “Can I have chocolate?” 

Niall nods, happy that he is able to shift Lily’s attention from the pain. “We can get chocolate, strawberry and vanilla if you want to.” He says, picking up Lily once he finished with the cast.

Once he spots Harry in front of the room, he smiles brightly at the guy. “Here, your beloved princess.” He says, gently passing the small girl into Harry’s arm. 

Harry smiles at Niall, “how long will it take for the cast to come off?” he asks, trying to balance a sleepy toddler in his arm while looking at Niall. 

“It was a clean break type of fracture and from the look of it, the cast will need to be worn for just two to three weeks.” Niall explains. “So I guess her next appointment to take the cast off will be in three weeks.” 

Harry nods, face full with concentration as he makes a mental note. “Okay. Thanks so much, Dr. Horan. I was so worried.”

Niall nods understandingly. “It’s normal to be worried over your child. It’s a natural parent’s instinct.” He tells Harry. 

Harry smiles at him. “Yeah.” He says, eyes linger on Niall’s for a moment, and Niall has to look away briefly because of his sudden shyness. He can’t help the fact that Harry is a beautiful man, but for all Niall knows the guy might have a wife waiting at home for her husband and their daughter to come back. He is saved from further embarrassment when suddenly his name is being called through the speaker. 

Niall clears his throat, trying to maintain his composure and professionalism. “Well, I guess I will see you guys in three weeks.” He says, and leans down to kiss the little girl in Harry’s arm on her cheek. “Unfortunately, I have to go to work now. But I promise you the next time I meet you, I’ll buy you the ice-cream as I promised, okay?” 

Niall watches as Lily smiles, before she kisses his cheeks too. “Okay, Dr. Horan!” She says happily before burying her face into Harry’s arm again. 

Niall straightens up after that and stares at Harry. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Styles.” He says, before he turns around and walks away, hoping that his heart will calm down until he meets Harry again in three weeks.

************************

The thing is, Niall rarely goes to the mall. On top of being busy with work at the hospital, he also doesn’t like to be in a crowded place. Especially at the mall during weekends, because it’s busier and the crowd are bigger than the weekdays. But he remembered that he still had not found the present for his god-daughter yet. So he makes it his mission to find one on his day off, if it means sacrificing his sleep.

“Dr. Horan.” A deep voice is calling his name and Niall turns around, only to find Harry with his daughter are standing in front of him. 

“Hey.” Niall says cheerily. “Can’t believe I ran into you guys here.” He says, staring at Harry. It’s been a couple of months since he last met Harry, which was when the guy had come to the hospital with Lily, to get the cast off. To be honest, he was a little bit sad when he only had the chance to meet Harry briefly, but it seems like the universe has a different plan for him. 

“And please, just call me Niall.” He adds, grinning at Harry. 

Harry smiles at him. “Niall. That sounds nice.” He says, earning a slight blush on Niall’s cheeks. He mentally curse himself for being so smitten with a guy he barely even knows. Maybe it’s Harry’s good looks, maybe it’s his posh accent that sounds sexy in Niall’s ears, or maybe it’s just the way Harry treats everyone around him with such tenderness that it melts Niall’s heart. 

“So, you’re off duty today, I see?” Harry asks. 

Niall nods. “Yeah.” He replies simply. “So, where are you two heading to?” He asks curiously. 

“The toy store. Lily here wants new Legos.” Harry says, poking his daughter’s nose slightly making the little girl giggles. “What about you?”

Niall feels his heart flutters with fondness at the sight. “That’s good. I actually don’t know where I’m heading. But I need to buy a gift for my god-daughter, her birthday is next week and I might be busy later. So yeah, here I am.” He tells Harry. 

Niall watches as Harry cracks a bigger smile, showing his dimple (which is one of the reasons why Niall likes to stare at the guy’s face, not that anyone needs to know that). 

“That’s great! I can help you. Trust me, I’m an expert at this stuff.” Harry declares happily. 

“Oh, really? I mean, I don’t want to interrupt your plans or something, I mean, you must have plans already with-,“ Niall trails off.

Harry raises his eyebrows. “With who?” 

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know. Your wife?” 

Niall watches as Harry blinks his eyes, before he bursts into laughter. “Oh my, you’re funny. What makes you think I have a wife?” 

Niall stares at Harry in confusion. “Er, Lily?” He says simply, because honestly, he doesn’t know what else to say. Isn’t it obvious? 

This time, Harry laughs harder, and then he shakes his head. “That’s it. We definitely need to sit down and talk about this misunderstanding.” He says. “But before that, we need to get some toys for my daughter, and your god-daughter, okay?” 

Niall nods mutely, and when he feels Lily tugging at his hand, slipping her little hand into his, he looks down and smiles at her. “Okay, Lily, let’s go toys hunting.”

************************

“I’m gay.” Harry says, making Niall choke on his drink and he coughs slightly. It takes him over a few more seconds to breathe properly, before he shakes his head, blinking his eyes, staring at Harry.

“Excuse me?”

Harry chuckles. “I’m just saying. Cause you seemed to be so sure that I have a wife back home.” He points out, smirking at Niall. 

Niall’s cheeks flustered and he fidgets nervously on his seat. He glances slightly at Lily who is oblivious to everything except for her new doll and coloring book. Then he looks at Harry again. “I’m just…I mean…” Niall stammers, before he sighs. “It’s just, you have Lily, and I just automatically assumed…” 

Harry shakes his head. “What? People like me can’t have kids too?” He asks, tone defensive as his eyes are piercing on Niall’s. 

“No, no. It’s not that.” Niall says firmly. “I was just stupid, you know. That’s me, sometimes I always jump to conclusion.” He admits truthfully. 

Harry’s eyes soften, nodding, as he believes in Niall’s words. “Yeah, it’s kind of a long story.” He tells Niall. “How about we talk about it over a date?” 

That words make Niall’s eyes widen and he can feel his heart pounding rapidly as he stares at Harry. “What?” 

Harry smiles at him, shrugging slightly. “I like you. I didn’t think it was appropriate to ask you on a date at the hospital and I thought I missed the chance. But I believe that today’s coincidence has its own way of telling me that I should not miss the chance to ask you out again.” 

Niall blinks his eyes, not sure on how to take Harry’s boldness. On one hand, he is glad that Harry is the kind of a straightforward guy, who seems to know what he wants. On the other hand, he is so nervous and his mind is still reeling, not believing that he has been asked to go on date with Harry. 

“Oh, sorry. If you already have someone, or you don’t want to..” Harry says, his smile dims slightly and Niall hates being the reason for making that happens. So he makes his decision right there and then. 

“I’d would love to go to a date with you.”

************************

On the first date, Niall gets to know Harry’s background. Turns out, Harry works as a songwriter, which gives him the benefit of sitting at home, raising Lily and doing his job at the same time. “My mom is a single parent, and lives with my older sister, Gemma.”

Niall nods as he listens to Harry’s voice. “That’s nice.” He comments. “What about Lily?” Niall asks, and then he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy.” He apologizes and curse himself for already spoiling his date. 

However, Harry just smile gently at him. “Lily, well she’s special, isn’t she?” Harry asks and Niall nods. “Well, the short version of the story is, I adopted her four years ago, when I was with my ex-boyfriend, thinking that we were ready to start a little family of our own.” Harry says. “But as it turned out, he wasn’t fully ready, and yes, we broke up not long after, and I was left with Lily. I just love her, you know? She’s my everything.” 

Niall nods, smiling at Harry. “That’s sweet.” He says. 

Harry hums, nodding slightly, agreeing with Niall. “So, enough about me. Think I have all the basics covered.” He tells Niall. “What about you?” 

“What about me?” Niall jokes, grinning at Harry. 

Harry snorts slightly, but a smile is still plastered on his face as he looks at Niall. “Tell me about your family.” 

Niall knows that the question is inevitable, so he is glad that he had braced himself for this kind of question. He clears his throat, before he starts. “Well, if you’re asking me about my family, I’m just going to say that they’re not here anymore.”

“Oh, they’re in Ireland?” Harry asks confusingly. 

Niall shakes his head. “No.” He says, swallowing thickly before he starts to speak up again. “They died in an accident when I was 16.” He says, and tries his best to calm himself down, because after all of these years, it still hurts to remember. 

Harry’s eyes widen. “Niall, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…” He trails off.

Niall smiles sadly at him. “It’s okay.” He says, inhaling a deep breath before he continues. “Anyway, my dad was a doctor, and I always watched him, before they….you know…” He tells Harry. “And it made me thinking that I wanted to follow his footsteps so I could make people’s life better too.”

“You’re a good man, Niall.” Harry says, taking Niall’s hand gently into his, squeezing it gently. 

Niall stares at their tangled hands, before he glances up to look at Harry’s face again. “So, that’s about my family.” He says. “After that, I kinda lived with my older cousin until I was 18 and then went to college, and got my medical degree after _hundreds_ of years of studying, and here I am.”

Harry chuckles. “Hundreds of years, huh? So how old are you now? A hundred and twenty seven years old?” He jokes. 

“Wrong. A hundred and twenty eight.” Niall replies, sticking his tongue out at Harry. Yeah, real mature. 

They keep to small talk after that, their conversations flow easily and Niall can’t believe that he can find such ease in talking to Harry. It’s not that he isn’t a friendly person, but he rarely shares his personal life stories with someone, except for a couple of close friends. But with Harry, the way he seems to listen and really pay attention to what Niall has to say makes his stomach flutter and he realizes that he is falling for the other guy, so fast, and so hard.

************************

“That’s it? No kissing? No smooching? No _sex_?!”

Niall blushes, grabbing the cushion and throws it at Louis, who is sitting at the other couch. “It was only a first date, Louis. It’s not like we’re jumping straight to the bed after that dinner.” He tells his friend. “It was a nice dinner, and we’re still getting to know each other.” 

Louis snorts, throwing the cushion back to Niall. “Getting to know each other, my ass. You two were practically undressing each other with your eyes before. I was about to smack his head, or maybe _your_ head, for being so slow.” 

“We weren’t being so slow.” Niall argues. “It’s called patience, Louis.” 

“Patience?” Louis says, _tsk_ -ing and then shaking his head. “If that’s what you guys called patience, what’s the deal with holding hands and smooching each other’s cheeks after first date?”

Niall’s eyes widen as he looks at Louis. “How do you know that? Were you spying on us?” He asks horrifically. 

Louis grins, before he shrugs casually. “Well, I can’t help it. Plus, Zayn kept texting me and demanded to be informed about our _little Niall_ finally being a grown man.” 

Niall groans, before he shifts and plops down on the couch, thinking of how the hell he got stuck with these two friends of his. It was too much invasion of privacy. 

“So, when’s the next date?” Louis asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and making kissing sound with his exaggerated pouty lips. 

“Not going to tell you or Zayn. You both suck.” Niall deadpans. 

Louis gasps dramatically, putting his hand on his chest. “How _could_ you? I thought we were friends, _brothers._ ” 

Niall shakes his head. “You’d better behave, Louis. Or else I’m going to tell Zayn that you have a crush on him.” 

“No, you can’t do that! He’ll laugh at me forever!” Louis says, and Niall grins at him evilly. That earns him a pout from Louis, and after that, he watches as Louis starts to cross his arms over his chest, completely sulking. Well, at least Niall got his friend to shut up, for now.

************************

Turns out, the second date is only a week after the first one.

And before Niall knows it, the second date turns into a three, and four, and five…

************************

Niall stares at his boyfriend disbelievingly. “Are you sure about this Harry? I mean, we’ve only been together for a year…”

“So, a year is not enough time to do this?” Harry asks, hurt clearly shown in his voice and Niall hates that. He hates how he is upsetting his boyfriend at the moment. 

“No, it’s not that.” Niall says gently, trying to grab Harry’s hand into his again, and shifts until he sits closer, facing Harry. “You know how much I love you, Harry. I really _really_ want to do this with you too, but-“

“But what?” Harry says, his tone leaves no room for bullshit and Niall recognizes that. It’s one of the little things that Niall knows about Harry now. 

Niall sighs. “It’s just…,” he trails off, glancing down at their tangled hands, and he strokes his thumb over the back of Harry’s hand gently. “What if Lily hates me? What if she thinks that I’m only going to take your whole attention from her?” 

He hears Harry snort and he is not brave enough to look up, in case Harry thinks he is lying, but he really is not. He has seen too many of his friends had broken up because of their kids. Being around their ages now, they’re mostly having kids on their own already, so the prospect of dating a single father really scares him. He watched with his own eyes on how some of his colleagues were having trouble adjusting with the kids, and they would end up heartbroken. Niall doesn’t want that. 

Suddenly, Niall feels Harry’s finger on his chin, tilting his head up gently and once his eyes meet Harry’s, he can feel his heart melt again at the sight. Harry’s eyes are gentle, staring at him with passion and Niall swears he will never get tired of those eyes. 

“Lily won’t hate you Niall.” Harry says softly, before he cups Niall’s face with his hands, pulling him closer. “In fact, she’s the main reason why I feel like you need to move in with me.” 

Niall can smell the mint breathe from Harry’s lips as their faces move closer. “Why?” 

Harry chuckles slightly. “Because she can’t stop talking about you whenever you leave after your visits. I know she likes you here. I love you here too.” He says, before kissing Niall’s lips gently, and they get lost for a moment, before they pull away breathlessly. 

“Are you sure about this, Harry?”

Harry nods. “I am sure.” He says firmly. “Are _you_?”

“Yes. I am sure too, babe.” Niall says. Slowly, Niall’s face breaks into a smile, and then he leans his face closer to kiss his boyfriend again. He can’t believe that they’re doing this. Moving in together. Taking a next step in their relationship and to be honest, Niall has never been happier. He feels Harry starts to push him down, hovering on top of him, and they stare at each other after they pull away from the kiss. 

Harry’s hands start to move into Niall’s shirts, caressing his bare skin underneath the shirt gently and from the gleam of the green’s eyes in front of him, Niall knows what his boyfriend is about to do. And suddenly, all his blood is rushing towards the lower region of his body, making him groans loudly as Harry starts to tug on his nipples, rubbing it slowly, the way that Niall loves it. 

“What do you say, if we _celebrate_ this good news in our own way?” Harry says, before he leans down and starts peppering small kisses on Niall’s face, and slowly moving down to kiss his collarbone and Niall can’t help but feel like they’re overdressed for this _celebration._ He whines as Harry starts to tease him, palming his big hand on Niall’s bulging crotch, stroking it slowly. 

Before they know it, they are both naked, panting on the couch, and Niall is _almost_ coming from Harry’s touch when suddenly his pager starts to emit a noise. 

They both groan out loudly. 

“Ignore the pager.” Harry says, pushing Niall to lie down again once he starts to sit up to pick up the pager on the coffee table. 

Niall shakes his head. “You know I can’t, Harry. I’m a doctor, remember? I’m always on-call duty.” He says, before he stretches his hand until he can reach the pager on the table. Of course the message is from the hospital, needing him to get down there because apparently there had been some accident and more doctors are needed. 

Niall smiles apologetically at his boyfriend, and Harry nods understandingly before he moves away, letting Niall go. Niall starts to sit up, grabbing his thrown clothes and pants which are lying on the floor, putting those on quickly. Never has he ever been frustrated like he is at the moment. It’s not like he hates his job, but sometimes, he dreads it when it happens to interfere with a moment like this. He is about to finish buttoning up his pants when suddenly Harry’s arms are encircling his waist from behind and Harry hooks his chin on Niall’s shoulder. “Once you move in here with me, I’ll make sure that I’ll be the _doctor_ instead.” He whispers into Niall’s ears. 

And if Niall is banging his head on his steering once he is in the car because of the sexual frustration, he doesn’t think anybody needs to know that.

************************

Niall whistles happily as he walks towards the front door. He barely realizes anything surrounding him because he is so happy to tell Zayn about his plans to move out from their shared house. Part of him is nervous too. He hopes Zayn doesn’t mind about his decision to move in with Harry.

It’s not that Zayn doesn’t like Harry, but Niall remembers that sometimes Zayn keeps commenting about how Niall is spending too much time at Harry’s flat instead of their house and that makes Niall feel guilty. So, with that thought, Niall bought Zayn’s favorite foods, as a sign to apologize for the lack of time that they have been spending together lately.

Once Niall steps inside the house, he raises his eyebrows slightly at the lack of sound that greets him. He fishes out his phone from his pocket, reading the date and he knows for a fact that it’s Zayn’s day off. “He’s probably sleeping.” Niall says to himself, before making his way towards the kitchen and put the foods on the stool.

He contemplates with himself, whether he should wake Zayn up or just tell him later but Niall can’t stay still until he tells Zayn. And he doesn’t want his best friend to know from other people first. He owes Zayn that much.

Once he reaches Zayn’s door, he can hear Zayn’s voice slightly and he smiles, not feeling guilty anymore that he will force Zayn to wake up because by the look of it Zayn is not sleeping. Niall opens the door, and the unexpected sight makes his eyes almost pop out from his sockets.

“Oh my god!!” Niall shrieks in surprise, startling Zayn and Louis who are on the bed, _together_ , or more accurately, Zayn is on top of Louis and they both snap their heads to look at Niall when they hear his voice.

Niall spins around on his heels as fast as he could that he almost scrambles, literally running to his living room, too shocked to face both of his friends. Because, _what the fuck?_

It doesn’t take long before Zayn appears; followed by Louis and they both look at him sheepishly. Niall watches both of them and his cheeks fluster as he notices how underdressed they are, with both of them just standing there in their boxers, and Niall is pretty sure that he had interrupted _something_.

“I am mentally scarred.” Niall deadpans, staring at both Zayn and Louis. “And what in the hell is happening here? Since when are you two…” he trails off, not knowing what words that he should throw out. Fuck buddy? Shagging each other? Friends with benefits?

Zayn glances towards Louis briefly, and Niall watches as Louis nods, as if he’s giving the approval for Zayn to speak up for both of them. Zayn takes a deep breath, facing Niall, before he speaks up again. “We’re dating.”

Niall’s eyes widen, and he shakes his head slowly, trying to process the words that had come out of Zayn’s mouth. “You’re dating.” He repeats, and both Zayn and Louis nod. “Since when?” He asks curiously.

“Few months ago…”

“Few months ago.” Niall parrots. “How come I didn’t know about this?” He asks, clearly hurt that his best friends haven’t told him about the news. 

Niall knows Zayn notices on how he is feeling at the moment as Zayn starts to move closer towards Niall, and smiles tentatively at him. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad.” Niall replies quickly, too quick for his own liking. He hears Louis snort, and he glares at the older guy. “I’m not.” He insists, pausing slightly before he continues. “I’m just…I thought we told each other everything.”

“We are. You know we are.” Zayn says firmly. “It’s just we didn’t have a chance to tell you. We rarely have the same day off and when we do, you’d be at Harry’s.”

Niall’s heart drops, the guilt feeling that he had felt earlier comes rushing back and he frowns, glancing down to the floor. “Yeah, sorry.” He apologizes quietly.

Zayn sighs, before he steps closer and tilts Niall’s chin with his finger. When their eyes met, Zayn smiles softly at him. “We’re not mad about that, Niall. He’s your boyfriend. We understand.” Zayn says and from the corner of his eyes, Niall sees how Louis nods too, agreeing with Zayn. “We’re happy that you’re happy with Harry, okay? And Louis and I are taking this slow so we don’t want to tell other people yet.”

“But I’m not other people.” Niall argues.

“We know that.” Zayn says. “Just don’t be mad, okay? If you want, we can tell you everything tonight? Or do you have plan with Harry?”

Niall shakes his head. “I don’t have plan with him tonight.” He replies. “And I’m not mad.” He tells Zayn truthfully. “To be honest, I’m happy for you two.” He adds, smiling at both of them. He is about to hug both of them but then he backs away quickly and scrunches his nose as he remembers the state that the two were in when he had found them on the bed. “Okay, I’m pretty sure that I don’t want to touch both of you now until you clean up from whatever that you have on your body.” Niall says, and shudders.

Both Zayn and Louis laugh. “But you came and cockblocked us! I was so ready for Zayn’s Jr. to be inside my…”

“Oh my god! No, no, please no. You guys are like my brothers I can’t hear this! Please don’t continue.” Niall says, putting both of his hands over his ears before Louis can continue to say another word.

Louis and Zayn laugh out loud and Niall pouts at them for making him miserable with their naughty teasing. “I bought foods from your favorite restaurant, Zayn. And if you guys don’t go clean up and come back here within 20 minutes, I promise I’ll finish all the foods by myself.” He threatens, trying his best to be fierce as he looks at Zayn and Louis.

Zayn’s eyes widen. “Oh gosh, I’ve been craving their food for weeks.” He says, suddenly getting excited. “Come on Louis, we can continue our _activity_ later, I want to eat the food first,” Zayn says and pulls Louis’s wrist, and heads towards the bathroom, together.

Niall laughs as he hears Louis mutters, “why do you love food more than me, Malik!” before their voices are lost behind the door.

************************

“I can’t believe that you’re leaving me, Niall.” Zayn says dramatically as he leans on the wall, watching Harry and Niall pack the things into boxes that they have brought earlier.

Niall snorts, shaking his head at his best friend. “I can’t believe you’re kicking me out in exchange for your fiancée. So much for taking it slow.” He says, sticking his tongue out at Zayn, making his friend blush. Zayn starts to move towards both of Niall and Harry, helping them sort out the things that need to be packed. Louis, on the other hand, chooses the ‘babysitting’ duty. Niall can hear his voice, playing superheroes with Lily in the backyard. 

Then, Niall glances over at Harry, smiling at his boyfriend happily. He still can’t believe he is about to move in with Harry. He never thought that he would be in this position a few years ago, but at the moment, he couldn’t be happier and content with his life. 

“So, Harry.” Zayn starts; clearing his throat and Niall watches his best friend suspiciously. 

Harry glances up from his task of sorting out the things to put into the box to look at Zayn. “Yes?”

“This is a warning for you, don’t hurt my Niall.” Zayn says, his tone light but firm and Niall can’t help but rolls his eyes at his best friend. 

“Zayn, why are you being so dramatic?” Niall asks, shaking his head. 

Zayn pouts at him. “I’m not being dramatic. I’m being protective. That’s different.” He says, reaching for Niall’s hair to ruff it, but Niall swats his hand away. 

Niall hears Harry’s laugh from beside him. “I promise I won’t hurt him, Zayn.” Harry says, his left arm wrapping around Niall and pulling his body closer to him, kissing him briefly. Niall deepens the kiss, feeling the warmth in his heart every time Harry kisses him. 

Zayn clears his throat loudly. “Okay, that’s enough PDA. I’ve had enough mental scarring from you two.” He says, throwing a piece of paper towards both Harry and Niall.

They both pull away, and Niall laughs at Zayn’s pout. Then he shifts to move closer towards Zayn and pulls his best friend into a tight hug. “Thanks for everything, Zayn.” He says, his voice cracks slightly and he feels Zayn wraps his arms around him, patting his back gently. 

“You know I’m always here for you, okay? You’re practically my little brother, remember that.” Zayn says softly, and Niall feels his eyes start to mist. He feels so thankful that he has Zayn in his life. He remembered being so lost when he began his journey at his university and Zayn was the one who helped him from the beginning. Not just by being the best roommate ever, but also by bringing Niall into his family and for that, Niall couldn’t be more grateful. 

Niall didn’t even realize he was crying until he feels Zayn’s thumb on his cheeks, wiping the tears away. “Okay, don’t cry. If you cry, then I’ll cry and then we’ll both be a crying mess. And to be honest, it’s not good for my tough exterior.” Zayn says and Niall snorts at that, punching Zayn’s arm lightly. 

“Don’t forget to update me on your wedding plans, alright? I don’t want to miss any single thing until you’re married.” Niall says, once they pull away. 

Zayn nods at him. Then he sighs. “Gosh, I feel like I’m giving away my son to somebody else.” He says, earning a loud laugh from Niall and Harry.

************************

The first thing that Niall feels in the morning is someone is shaking his shoulder. Usually he knows it’d be Harry’s hand, but not today. The hand on his shoulder is small, and the voice is definitely not Harry.

“Papa Niall, wake up. I’m hungry.” 

Niall smiles at the voice, pretending like he is still asleep. He tries so hard to contain his laughs when he feels Lily starts to punch his arm, trying to wake him up. His heart feels warm and fuzzy when Lily is calling him with “Papa Niall” again. He won’t ever get tired of hearing that. 

He remembers being so emotional that he cried when Lily started to call him Papa Niall a few weeks before. That, of course earned a coo from Harry and Niall tried to glare at his boyfriend but ended up falling into Harry’s arms, and crying softly. He was just so happy that Lily accepted him into their little family and he swore it was the one of the best days of his life. 

He wants to keep pretending for a longer period of time but when he hears the sniffs from the little girl behind him, his heart melts and he opens his eyes and starts to sit up. “Aw, Lily. Come here.” He says, opening his arm and of course Lily falls into his embrace. “Good morning, baby.” He says, tilting down to kiss Lily’s head. 

“Good morning.” Lily replies, wrapping her little arms around Niall’s waist. “I’m hungry. Can we eat pancakes today?” She asks, tilting her head up to look at Niall. 

Niall smiles gently at the girl, before he nods. “I’ll make you the greatest pancakes ever.” He says, before he shifts to pick up Lily into his arms and starts to carry her towards the kitchen. He deposits her on the kitchen stool and starts to move around the kitchen. His eyes catch the small note on the fridge, reminding him about Lily’s needs and schedules for the dentist and Niall chuckles at his boyfriend’s adorable signature at the bottom of the note. 

“When is papa coming back?” Lily asks as Niall starts to turn on the stove, her legs dangling slightly from the chair and she looks at Niall in curiosity. 

Niall smiles at her. “Tonight, baby.” He replies. “Why? You don’t like to spend time with me alone?” He asks, fake pouting at the little girl. 

Lily giggles at him, shaking her head. “No. I’m just asking.” She says. “Papa says you look cute when you pout. I think you look cute too.” 

Niall bursts out laughing at that comment. Of course Harry would tell his daughter that. “So, want to go out for some ice cream later before your papa comes home?” He asks, wiggling his eyebrows at the little girl. He smiles brightly when Lily nods enthusiastically. He loves the kid so much as if the girl is his own. 

That night when Harry comes home, and the moment he steps into the house, Niall watches as Lily is practically skipping towards Harry, hugging him tightly. “Miss you, papa!” She says while burying her face into Harry’s neck. 

“Oh, baby, I missed you too.” Harry replies, before his eyes lift up to look at Niall and he winks at him. “And you too.” He mouths. 

“I missed you too.” Niall mouths back. He smiles happily as he watches the scene in front of him, where Lily is practically babbling about her weekend to Harry and his boyfriend is listening intently like it’s the most interesting thing in the world and it makes Niall’s heart swells with so much happiness. 

There’s nothing more that he can ask in his life besides being with his little family at the moment.

************************

Niall yelps and curses under his breath when his thumb accidentally hits the slit of the door. He sighs heavily, feeling like everything he’s done since this morning has gone wrong. He has a heavy feeling in his heart since the beginning of the day and he doesn’t even know why. His heart keeps pounding rapidly and he feels uneasy, but he ignores it, thinking that maybe it’s just because he is tired after working for a couple of hours.

He closes the door of the patient’s room before he turns around, heading to the cafeteria to get some coffee and take a 5-minutes break. His drags his feet, yawning slightly, but his foggy brain suddenly become alert when he hears the speaker announcing about the arrival of victims from the accident. 

Niall’s eyes widen, before he turns around and heads towards the Emergency Room area. 

Sure enough, once Niall reaches the area, there are flurry of activities happening at the same time. He hears some kids crying and notices that some of them have scratches and wounds all over their bodies. He scans the area, trying to get a grip on what to do. It’s his job, being in the trauma team, to deal with the patients with multiple injuries especially from the road accidents. 

He asks one of the paramedics about what had happened and the guy tells him that there had been an accident with the school bus. Niall nods, finally making sense of all the kids at the area. Somebody is shouting for someone to come over to the severely injured victims and Niall strides towards the voice. 

Niall’s eyes widen when he sees one of Lily’s friends, completely limp on the stretcher, her face is smeared with blood and Niall’s heart drops. “Oh my god.” Niall whispers, before his eyes start to scan the area frantically. He grabs one of the nurse’s arms, shaking his head at her. “Tell me which school is involved with the accident?” 

“It’s the Kingsley’s Primary School.” 

And at that moment, Niall’s heart starts to beat rapidly, silently praying that Lily is not involved in the accident. That maybe the girl was taking the other bus. That maybe she was not on the same bus with her best friend who is lying on the stretcher, with blood all over. 

“Niall!” 

Niall whirls around, only to find his distraught boyfriend is heading towards him. “Harry-“ 

Niall isn’t able to finish his question before Harry grabs his shoulder, eyes hysterically panicked. “Ni, they told me that they brought her to the trauma center.” He tells Niall, choking on his sob. “Please, please, please make sure that she’d be fine. Please, Niall. Please save her.”

Niall feels his heart drop, trying his best not to freak out along with Harry. “Harry, I’m not sure what I can do yet. Let me check on her condition first, okay?” He says calmly. He knows Harry is panicking at the moment but Niall can’t show that he feels the same thing too. After all, it’s part of his job to remain calm, even though this case hits too close to home. 

“Please, I trust you.” Harry says, staring at Niall, pleading with his eyes. 

Niall nods, pulling his boyfriend into his hug briefly, before he pulls away. “I’ll try.”

************************

It doesn’t take long for Niall to find the room that Lily had been brought into. He steps into the room, putting on his scrubs, and is met with Zayn’s eyes. Niall nods at Zayn, before looking down and almost gets sick looking at Lily’s condition.

Niall takes a deep breath, before he starts to help Zayn, along with another doctor and nurse to save Lily. 

It’s almost a blur of activities for Niall, as they’re trying to remove the pieces of glasses from Lily’s body. Niall chokes back on his sob as he watches the scene, his hands are shaking, and his heart is silently praying that all the blood will stop flowing out from the little girl’s body. 

The team is almost finished removing the pieces of glasses from Lily’s body when suddenly the heart monitor beeps frantically and goes into flat line in the next second. Niall’s eyes widen, and the room erupts into a flurry of activities again. 

“We’re losing her! Get the defibrillator!” Niall shouts to one of the nurses. 

Niall tries to charge once, but Lily doesn’t even bulge and the line on the monitor is still flat, and nothing changes. He moves, trying for the second time, but still, it ends up with the same result. Niall is feeling desperate, muttering “please,” repeatedly as he puts the defibrillator on Lily’s chest, trying for the third time. He shakes his head, can’t accept the fact that the beeping sound is still flat in his ears, and someone is grabbing his arm and Niall looks up, only to find Zayn’s eyes on him. 

“She’s losing so much blood, Niall. It’s over, she’s gone.” 

Niall shakes his head frantically, refusing to accept the fact. He starts to charge again, but it ends up with nothing. The heart monitor is still showing the flatline. 

Niall watches the girl on the operation table, and he shakes his head disbelievingly, still in denial. She can’t, she can’t leave like this. It’s not fair. She’s just a kid. 

Niall feels someone is pulling him to the side, “calm down, Niall.” Zayn’s voice is close to Niall’s ears. But Niall can’t hear him properly, although he hears Zayn’s words, “-has tried you best, Niall,” but Niall knows he wasn’t. He fails. He has failed to save Lily. 

Niall feels Zayn starts to pull him towards the door, exiting the trauma room. The last thing that Niall hears before he walks out of the room is, “time of death, 5:37 pm.”

************************

The walk towards the waiting room at the moment feels like the longest walk ever. Niall tries his best to remain calm, as he heads towards Harry. When Harry notices Niall, he quickly standing up from the chair and stares at Niall, eyes filled with worry and unshed tears. Niall takes a deep breath, shaking his head at Harry. “I’m sorry.”

As soon as those words left his mouth, Niall watches as Harry’s face starts to crumble, and tears start to pour out of Harry’s eyes. It’s such a devastated sight to see and Niall can’t help but starting to cry too. He steps closer, trying to hug Harry, providing him comfort but Harry jerks away from his touch. 

“I need to get away from here.” Harry says, tears still pouring down his face, and he literally pushes Niall away before he heads towards the exit of the hospital. 

Niall watches Harry’s retreating figure, debating whether he should follow his boyfriend or not, but his decision is short lived when he feels someone is standing beside him, startling him slightly. 

“You told Harry?” 

Niall tilts his head to the side, nodding at Zayn. “He looked so broken, Zayn. What would I do? How do we survive this?” He asks, voice trembling, filled with emotions and sadness at the moment. Zayn doesn’t say anything, just pulling Niall into a tight hug. 

“You guys will survive this hard time, okay? He is a strong person and so are you. And you have me, and Louis to help you guys out, okay?” 

Niall nods against Zayn’s shoulder. He really hopes that Zayn is right about Harry.

************************

The thing about funerals are that Niall really hates them. Everything reminds him of his parent’s death and it might have been over a decade but Niall still remembers the feeling that he got during that day.

Lily’s funeral is no different. 

Everyone is gloomy. Harry is crying over Lily’s coffin and Niall wants to hold his boyfriend’s hand, to comfort him but Harry refuses to let him. Instead he settles with leaning against Gemma and Anne, and Niall steps away, giving the family their own time. 

He can’t be selfish, can he? After all, Harry has lost his daughter and Niall understands the feeling of losing loved ones. So he lets Harry be. He lets Harry have his own time to grieve. No matter how much Harry is ignoring him during the funeral, Niall stays loyal by his side. 

If time is what Harry needs, then Niall will gladly give it to him.

************************

Niall opens the door with one hand, while the other one is trying to balance the food tray. He walks over to the bed, and put the tray on the usual spot. He hopes that this time, the lump on the bed would actually turn around, sitting up and look at him.

“Harry, I brought food.” Niall says softly, as quietly as he can be even though there are no other people in the room besides the two of them. “You need to eat,” Niall says, as he touches Harry’s shoulder gently but Harry jerks away, and it hurts. It hurts so bad that Harry shuts him off completely after what happened to Lily. It has been weeks since Lily’s death but Harry is still refuse to talk to Niall and he won’t even look at him. And it hurts. But Niall keeps telling himself that Harry needs time, and he can’t take Harry’s actions personally.

“Go away, leave me alone.” Harry mumbles as half of his face is smashed against the pillow and Niall swallows a big lump in his throat when Harry still refuses to look at him. This has been a daily occurrence lately and Niall can’t help but getting worried. He knows sometimes when he’s on duty at the hospital, Harry is eating but Niall knows the foods intake is not as much as a person is supposed to.

“Harry, don’t be like this.” Niall says, still trying to coax his boyfriend to eat something. He shifts slightly, braving himself to move around the bed, bringing the tray with him and stand in front of Harry’s view, blocking the light from the window. “I’m worried about you.”

“I said, leave me alone.” Harry says, and Niall knows by the way Harry is gritting his teeth that his boyfriend is mad at him.

“Harry…” Niall trails off. “Please, if Lily was here, she wouldn’t want to see you like this.” He says, and it proves to be the wrong thing to say when suddenly Harry is sitting up and slaps the tray away from Niall, making it drop to the floor with a loud clatter noise.

Niall gasps in surprise, too shock to respond as he feels Harry’s eyes glaring at him.

“If Lily was here, none of this would happen!” Harry starts to yell. “You killed her! You let her die!”

Niall’s heart breaks into a million pieces as he hears Harry’s words. He knows he wished that Harry would start to talk to him again, but not like this. Not like the harsh words that Harry is throwing towards him and Niall is trying his best to remain calm. “Harry, I’m sorry…I tried my best…”

“Apparently it wasn’t enough!”

Niall can’t help it as his tears start to pour out of his eyes, and he wipes it hastily, not wanting for Harry to see. But it won’t be a problem since Harry is already lying back on the bed, completely turned around, facing away from Niall. “Harry…”

“Go away! Get out! I don’t want to see you!”

************************

“Hey, Zayn.” Niall greets as soon as he steps outside on the patio, and found Zayn with his half burned cigarette in his hand, blowing the smoke out of his mouth.

Zayn turns to look at him and throw him a small smile. “Hey. Morning.” 

Niall nods, before he moves to lean on the wall, standing beside Zayn. “Thanks for letting me crash here last night.” 

“No problem, Ni. You’re always welcome here.” Zayn says, before he closes his eyes and continues smoking, leaving both of them in silence. 

Niall lets the silence lingers, staring at the yard in front of him. He misses living with Zayn sometimes. It’s not that he doesn’t like living with Harry, but the circumstances are totally different now. Everything is different between him and Harry at the moment. The words that Harry had thrown towards him the day before is still haunting him. It was too overwhelming that he felt the need to come to Zayn’s house and stay for a night. He knows Zayn is worried about him. Louis is no less, as he keeps trying to make Niall laugh with his jokes like he used to, but Niall can only smile apologetically at him. 

“Can I bum a cigarette?” Niall asks, startling Zayn and his friend’s eyes snapped open. He stares at Niall, and he looks like he wants to say something but instead end up shaking his head and pulls out a cigarette from the box, before passing it to Niall. 

Niall takes the cigarette and starts to light it up. It has been years since he last smoked. He quit after he got his job, thinking that the habit was unhealthy. “Ironic, huh? We, the doctors, who are supposed to care about healthy lifestyle and all, smoking?” 

Zayn says nothing, but he shifts slightly to look properly at Niall. “Ni, are you okay?” He asks gently, his face contorted with worried expression and it makes Niall’s heart feels with indescribable feeling towards his friend. Zayn is always protective over him and Niall feels so grateful that he can find someone, a friend that he can call a family at time like this. At time where he can feel like he can break under all of the pressure and the heavy feelings that he carry inside his heart. 

“He told me I was a killer, Zayn.” Niall says, pausing slightly before he continues. “And I think he was right.” 

Zayn puts down his cigarette on the ashtray, before he turns to face Niall again. “You’re not a killer, Niall. Do you hear me? You are not.” He says firmly. “It’s normal in our job. I know that, you know that, and Harry _should_ know that. And this is not the first time that a patient had died under our watch.” 

“But it was the first patient that I love.” Niall says. He finishes his cigarette and both of them keep quiet again, lost in their own thoughts. 

“You were just doing your job, Niall.” Zayn says suddenly, breaking the silence. 

Niall nods. He knows Zayn is right, but that doesn’t mean that he feels better about it. In fact, it makes him feel worse because he failed at his job. He couldn’t save Lily. Lily, who was so tiny, so bubbly and always laughing at Niall’s jokes. Lily, who was always wanted Niall to read her a bedtime story because he was good at imitating impressions. Lily, who made him a card along with Harry for Father’s Day. Just by remembering those little details, make Niall’s heart break. He didn’t even realize he had started to cry but suddenly he felt Zayn’s arms wrapping around his body, and he sags against Zayn’s shoulder. “I miss her. I do love her too, you know.” 

Zayn rubs his back gently. “I know, Ni, I know.”

************************

Niall yawns, eyes watering as he glances up towards the clock on the wall. It’s already fifteen past midnight and apparently, Harry is still not at home yet. He sighs, before picking up his phone from the coffee table, and debating with himself whether he wants to call Harry, _again._ He tried, for four times already, and all of those calls went to voicemail. It’s not that Niall is a clingy kind of person, but he is just worried about his boyfriend.

He doesn’t realize he had fallen asleep on the couch but he is woken up by the sound of someone’s voice, Harry’s. He hears Harry curses loudly, and Niall hears a bit about the “fucking shoes” before he starts to sit up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. It doesn’t take long before he watches Harry staggering from the front door and heading towards his room. Or at least, trying to. From the way that Niall can see, Harry is barely standing straight as he sways on his way towards the stairs. 

Niall stands up from the couch, and walks closer towards Harry, trying to help the guy to move up the stairs, but his hands were slapped away, and Niall jerks back slightly. Niall gently asks, “where have you been?” 

Harry grumbles under his breath as he almost tripped on the steps, and Niall trails behind him, ready to catch the guy if he stumbles down the stairs due to his swaying body. “Out,” Harry replies simply. 

Niall nods. “With who?”

“Nick.” Harry replies, obviously not wanting to reply further but Niall has a tingling feeling when he hears the familiar name. 

Niall knows he’s supposed to let it drop but apparently his mouth doesn’t want cooperate with his brain when suddenly he blurts out, “Nick? As in _Nick?_ ” 

Harry shrugs, before he nods. “Yes, Nick as in Nick my ex-boyfriend.” 

Niall swallows thickly, trying his best to control his emotion. “Just tonight? Or the other nights too?” He asks, starting to cross his arms over his chest. 

Harry stops moving as he is about to reach the last step before he turns around to look at Niall. “Yes. The other nights too.” He replies to Niall. “Why? I can’t go out with my friends now, is that it?” 

“I didn’t say that!” Niall argues. He sighs heavily, before he starts to speak up again. “It’s just, you’ve been doing this for a few weeks, and I’m just-,“ he trails off. 

“Just what? Just want to stop me from having fun? Stop me from being happy again? You were the one who told me stop moping!” 

“Not like this!” Niall says, shaking his head. “Don’t twist my words.” He tells Harry. “Of course I want you to be happy again. But this is not the right way to do it.” 

Harry scoffs, eyes daggered towards Niall’s, making Niall shudders slightly under the piercing gaze. “Really? And what is the right way, huh? Enlighten me, Niall. Cause as far as I know, there’s nothing you’ve done to make me happy again.” 

“Harry-,“ Niall trails off, blinking back his tears away because honest to God, Harry’s words feel like a knife that have been plunged into his heart. He knows Harry is drunk, and drunk Harry is unpredictable and he’d probably forget about what he had done the next morning, like he used too. But Niall can’t help to feel like Harry is not _that_ drunk to blurt out something that he didn’t mean to. Plus, it’s a common knowledge that drunk words are sober thoughts. 

Niall, being the person that he is, put aside his own feeling as he tries to focus on his boyfriend. “I’m just saying that you might slow down a little, Harry.”

“This is my life, Niall, and if I want to spend every god damn night out with my friends, then I will!” Harry snaps, eyes harden as he stares at Niall. “And what do you know, actually? It’s not like you’re always home every night.” He points out. “So, yeah, what are you doing home tonight? Aren’t you supposed to save lives?” 

Niall bits his cheeks to control himself as he hears the mockery tone of Harry at those last questions. He sighs instead, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “You know what? I think it’s better if we talk about this later.” He says to Harry. “When you’re sober.” He adds. 

Harry scoffs, not saying anything before he turns around, and heads towards the bedroom, and it’s not until a few seconds later when Niall hears the door is slammed shut.

************************

It’s the loud shrill sound in the middle of the night that makes Niall groans before he blindly grabs for his phone on the coffee table. His neck stiff, from the effect of sleeping on the couch, but that’s what he has been doing lately.

He rubs his eyes, not even bother to look at the caller id before he picks up the phone. “Hello.”

“Niall?” 

“Zayn?” Niall asks, opening his eyes, and frowning as he hears the serious tone in Zayn’s voice. “What’s wrong?” 

“Are you sitting down?” Zayn asks, which makes Niall feel more nervous about it. He swallows thickly, heart starts to pound rapidly as he tries to calm himself. It’s the sudden eerie silent that follows Zayn’s question that makes Niall feel like his skin is starting to prick with fear. 

“Zayn?” Niall repeats, quieter than before, and his mind is already racing with so many thoughts that he tightens his grips his fist on his blanket nervously. 

He hears Zayn sighs heavily. “Harry’s in the ER. He was admitted for alcohol poisoning.” 

Niall’s world comes crashing down.

************************

Niall glances up from his reading when he hears the quiet groan that comes from the bed. He closes the book, putting it aside on the small table besides the bed. He watches as Harry’s eyes start to flutter open and he waits until he can see the green eyes are fully opened and blink, staring at the ceiling.

“Where-,“ Harry croaks, and Niall grabs the small cup filled with the ice chips, before feeding one into Harry’s mouth, letting it sooth down his throat. 

“You’re in the hospital.” Niall says, not explaining further as he puts down the cup on the table, and sit back on the chair, staring at Harry. 

Slowly, Harry turns his head to his right slightly, “what happened?” He asks, voice no longer croaking but he looks genuinely confused for a moment and Niall’s initial response to be mad at him, wavered. 

“You had alcohol poisoning.” Niall replies, staring at Harry’s eyes. “They had to pump your stomach to get all the toxics out,” he adds, biting his lips slightly, before averting his eyes and stare at the window instead. He still remember how scared he felt when he heard the news from Zayn. He remembers feeling helpless, waiting for Harry to be alright, feeling like the time had moved slowly and it was torturing. He remembers how relieved he felt when the doctor had told him that Harry was fine, and he should be back to good health in a day or two but he should be advised about the alcohol intake before he’s discharged. 

“Oh,” Harry says simply before he falls into silence, and Niall hates it. He hates how uncomfortable the silence is between them now. How everything has changed since Lily’s death. He knows Harry is grieving in his own way, but it doesn’t mean that Niall likes the way that Harry is dealing with her death. And it hurts Niall to think that Harry is slowly falling out from his grip, that whatever they had between them, is suddenly, gone. Maybe not for Niall, but Harry seems to act that way. 

“I worry about you, do you know that?” Niall asks, turning his head slightly to look at Harry, to search for his reaction. 

“I’m sorry.” Harry apologizes, but it sounds flat in Niall’s ears. He stares at Harry’s eyes, searching for any flicker of emotion in there, but as it has been lately, nothing is found. Harry averts his eyes as soon as he can and Niall sighs heavily. 

“I never think you’d turn to alcohol instead of talking to me.” Niall says, tired of skirting around the subject anymore. 

He sees Harry rolls his eyes and scoffs slightly. “So, I’m an alcoholic now? Coming from the Irish man, it’s ironic isn’t it?” 

Niall sighs again, ignoring the slight hurt at Harry’s jab. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“So what did you mean? That I can’t have fun with my friends sometimes?” Harry asks, nose flaring, that’s what he does lately around Niall, getting angry. 

“Sometimes?” Niall scoffs, shaking his head, before he speaks up again. “Try _all the time._ ”

“Fuck you.” Harry says angrily, glaring at Niall. 

Niall shakes his head, standing up from the chair and start to put on his jacket. “I don’t think we should take about this now. Have a good rest.” He says, starting to turn around to leave. 

“Coward.” Harry mutters from the bed, and Niall spins on his heels and turns around to face Harry again. 

“Excuse me?” 

Harry glares at him. “You’re a coward.” He points out. “Everytime thing seems to be out of your control, all you do is run away from it, right?” 

Niall blinks at Harry. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means that you’re always running away from _our_ problem, aren’t you?” 

“What the fuck?” Niall curses, suddenly feeling angry at the sudden accusation. “Yet you’re the one who’s lying on the bed because you run to alcohol when we have _our_ problem, isn’t it ironic?” He snaps before he shakes his head. “You know what? We’ll talk about this once you’re better.”

Harry shakes his head stubbornly, already sitting up slightly, eyes looking straight into Niall’s. “I _am_ better now.”

Niall sighs, rubbing his hand over his face, before he looks at Harry again. “What do you want to talk about, Harry?” 

Silence falls between them. But it doesn’t take long before the silence is broken by Harry’s voice. “I want out.”

Niall blinks, trying to process on Harry’s words. He can’t believe this. He never thought that his worst fear would come true. “You want out.” He parrots, trying so hard to hide the shake in his voice because he knows what Harry had meant by _out_. He thinks they both know what that means by now. 

__Harry nods, and Niall feels his world comes crumbling down at the moment. “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Niall.” Harry says. “It’s just so hard. I can barely function for myself lately, and I don’t know how to function as a couple anymore. And everytime I see you, it reminds me of _her_ and it’s hard.”_ _

__Niall swallows thickly, trying to blink his tears away. “It reminds you of _her_ or it reminds you of _ me killing her_?” He asks, staring right into Harry’s eyes and when Harry remains silent and turn away from the stare, Niall thinks he got the answer. 

“I love you, Harry, you know that.” Niall says. “I love you so much that I want you to be happy again. I miss the old Harry that used to care for everyone, who loved everyone around him,” he continues, adding quietly, “the old Harry who loved me.” 

“The old Harry is dead.” Harry says, and Niall shakes his head. 

“No, he didn’t.” Niall says stubbornly, trying his best to fight for their relationship, to salvage whatever is left that can be saved. “The old Harry is still there somewhere, I know it. You know it.” He continues, before pausing slightly, “we can do get through this together, Harry. You just have to trust me and let me in.” 

Niall holds his breath, waiting for Harry to react, to say that yes, they can get through this hurdle together, and even though Niall is not a fan of fairy tales but sometimes, he thinks that maybe their feelings towards each other are enough to support them during the hard times. 

He feels his heart drops when Harry shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” Harry's voice is low but it’s enough to make Niall feels like he had been punched in the gut.

Niall tries his best not to break down right there and then, so he exhales shakily, and shaking his head. “If that’s what you want.” He says finally, before stepping closer towards the bed, and leaning down, kissing Harry’s temple gently.

“Take care.” He says, before quickly turn around and leaving the room. It takes all Niall’s willpower not to cry publicly at the hospital as he fastens his pace towards the parking area. 

“Niall?”

Niall can’t believe his luck when he hears Anne’s voice. How could he forget that Anne is coming to visit Harry? He’s trying his best to avoid that voice but apparently he can’t as Anne is blocking his way by standing in front of him, grabbing his shoulder gently, making him stop walking. He glances up, smiling shakily at her. “Hi, Anne.”

He knows Anne notices that something is wrong when she starts to frown and stares at Niall worriedly. “What happened?” She asks. “Is Harry okay?” 

Niall nods, feeling guilty for making the woman in front of him to feel worry about her son. “He’s fine. The doctor says he can be discharged by tomorrow.” He tells Anne. 

Anne sighs in relief, muttering, “thank God,” before she starts to frown again. “But why are you looking so distressed? What happened?”

“Nothing happened.” He replies quickly, too quickly for his liking. 

“Niall.” Anne says, and her tone is enough to set Niall off again and he can’t help it but a tear flows from his left eye and he wipes it quickly, shaking his head. 

“We broke up.” 

Anne gasps, and before Niall knows it, she’s pulling him into her hug. “I’m so sorry.” She says, rubbing Niall’s back gently and he hooks his chin on her shoulder, closing his eyes as the tears flow again. He just can’t help it. “What happened?”

“We’re just not working out anymore.” Niall replies. “Too many things had happened. Too many hurtful words were thrown around.”

Anne pulls away, but she lets her hands lingers on Niall’s arms, staring at him. “I know things are hard at home, but you guys love each other so much, I don’t understand-“

“He doesn’t love me anymore, Anne.” 

Anne shakes her head. “That’s bullshit,” she blurts out. 

Niall smiles sadly at her, wiping away the remaining tears on his cheek, suddenly feeling embarrassed for crying in front of her. “Just-“, Niall trails off, “take care of him for me, okay?” 

“I will. I’ll make sure he gets better again.” Anne says, and Niall nods, sniffling slightly at the thought that he and Harry will no longer be together. That after this, he can’t be with Harry again, and Anne seems to realize that too. “Oh, Niall.” Anne says, tears start to slip out from her eyes before she pulls Niall into her hug again. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? I don’t care if you’re no longer with Harry, but I still consider you as my other son. I love you as much as I love him, remember that, yeah?” 

Niall tightens his arms around Anne, and nods against her shoulder. “Thank you.”

************************

“Is this the last bag, sir?”

Niall turns around to look at the cab driver. He nods, smiling slightly at the guy. “Yes, that’s the last one.” He replies, before making his way towards the cab.

He scrolls through the contact list in his phone, pausing when finds the name, and staring at the capital letter _‘H’_ on the screen. The name which he had keyed under his favorite list, but he doesn’t think that it’s working any longer. His thumb hovers on the screen, debating with himself whether he had made the right decision or not. 

Niall glances up, looking at the building again, the house that they had spent years together, but it seems empty lately. He shakes his head, glancing down at his phone again, and with a heavy heart, he presses the delete button. 

At that moment, he no longer has Harry in his life.

************************

“Hey, Gemma.” Harry greets as soon as he enters the kitchen and finding his sister, chatting quietly with his mother. It has been months since he last saw his sister. The last time he saw her was the night where Gemma was helping him packing his stuffs to move to his mother’s house after he was discharged from the hospital.

They both turn to look at him, and Harry cowers slightly, feeling like he had interrupted something important. He knows that sometimes both of them were talking about him over the phone. He didn't mean to eavesdrop but it wasn’t really hard to hear the phone conversation if he and his mother are the only ones who live in the quiet house. 

“Hey.” Gemma replies shortly, before she stands up from the stool, and glances at her watch. “I’m late to meet Ellie,” she announces, barely looking at Harry. “I’d be home later for dinner.” She adds, before she walks out of the kitchen. 

Harry watches her retreating figure and swallows a big lump in his throat. He notices how Gemma is acting so different towards him now. Especially after the whole alcohol poisoning fiasco and Harry knows his mother notices it too. 

“She really hates me, huh?” Harry asks, trying not to sound bitter. 

His mother walks closer towards him, gently squeezes his shoulder. “She doesn’t hate you, Harry.” She says softly. 

Harry snorts, shaking his head. “But then why does she act like this? She used to text me daily, even for the silly things. And we always hung out together, but since-“, he trails off, before he continues, “I know it was my fault for being stupid about the alcohol poisoning thing. But it’s been a few months, I thought she’s not mad at me anymore. I guess I was wrong.” 

His mother sighs, shaking her head as she looks at him. “It’s not-“, she trails off, pausing slightly. “I think it’d be better if you two just talk about it, okay?” 

Harry closes his eyes, sighing tiredly. “How can I even talk to her if she doesn’t even want to look at me anymore?”

************************

“Can we watch something else? I’ve already watched this before.” Gemma whines from the other couch, and Harry shifts his attention from the screen to look at his sister.

“But you said-,“

“Yeah, I know I said okay but I didn’t recognize the title just now and I’ve already seen this movie before.” Gemma replies, cutting Harry off. 

“Gemma.” Harry hears his mother warns from beside him. 

Gemma rolls her eyes, before she starts to stand up from the couch. “Never mind, I’m just going to bed. You two have fun.” She says, before starting to retreat to her bedroom. 

“Why do you hate me so much now?” Harry blurts out, and he watches Gemma stops midway, before slowly turning around to face him. 

Harry’s standing up too, staring at his sister, waiting for her answer. “I don’t hate you, Harry.” Gemma says, and Harry snorts, shaking his head. 

“Oh, really? Then why you don’t talk to me anymore, huh? I’ve been here for three months and you only visited twice, including this weekend. And when you’re here, you barely even looking at me!” Harry says, letting out his frustration and anger towards his sister. He just want to understand why Gemma is treating him this way. “If this is about what I’ve done until I ended up in the hospital, then I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly at that time.” 

Gemma shakes her head. “It’s not about that.” She says, before she continues. “I mean, yes, I was mad at you for that too, but not anymore.” 

Harry stares at her in confusion. “Then, what? What makes you barely talk to me anymore?” He asks, demanding for his sister to answer his question. 

“It’s late already, Harry. I’ll talk to you about this later.” Gemma says, already waving Harry off. 

“No!” Harry yells suddenly, startling both Gemma and his mother who’s been watching the scene silently from the couch. “I want to know now! I want to know why!” 

Gemma crosses her arms over her chest, staring at Harry. “You want to know why I’m mad at you? Really?” She asks. 

“Gemma.” 

Harry turns his head to look at his mother when he hears her voice. “What, mom? What are you guys hiding for me?” 

“We aren’t hiding anything from you, honey.” 

Harry shakes his head, not believing anyone at the moment. He turns his attention back to his sister. “Tell me!” 

“See, the thing is, I’m mad at you because I think you were being unfair to Niall.” Gemma says.

Harry blinks his eyes. He didn’t really expect _that_ answer from Gemma. “What do you mean I wasn’t being unfair to Niall?” 

Gemma sighs. “You broke his heart, Harry.” She points out. “He was there for you for all the time, but then you pushed him away. Don’t you realize who was there for you to help you after Lily’s death?” 

“Oh, yeah? I’m sorry that his feeling got bruised just because I can’t deal with him after _my_ daughter’s death!” Harry snapped, anger seeping through his veins as he replies to his sister. 

He watches as Gemma scoffs and shakes her head. “I don’t know how you could be so blind.” She quips. 

“What do you mean? Why are you judging me for this? It’s my private life, you don’t get to have a say about it!” 

“Yeah, well, you asked for it! You asked why I’m mad at you, so that’s why!” Gemma yells back and Harry didn’t realize how the conversation has escalated so quickly to yelling at each other. 

“She’s my daughter, Gemma. I’m allowed to mourn over her death. I’m sorry that Niall’s heart got broken but my heart was long broken when Lily had died. I don’t think anyone could understand that.” 

“I know she was _your_ daughter, Harry. But I loved her too. Mom loved her too. Even Niall loved her. What makes you think that we didn’t feel as bad as you do, huh?” Gemma points out. “And how could you say that Niall won’t understand? Have you forgotten that he lost his _own_ parents, his biological parents when he was younger, what made you think that he didn’t understand about how you felt when you lost Lily?” She continues, before shaking her head. “I just think you were being so selfish, Harry. And you know I can’t stand selfish people.” She adds, and before Harry can reply, she takes off from the living room. 

Harry feels like he has been punched in the gut when Gemma finishes. He can’t believe he forgot. How could he forget that little fact about Niall? All this time, he was bitter towards Niall because he thought Niall didn’t understand about how he felt. Turns out, he was wrong. Niall was in the same position as him before, and worst, it was his parents, and he was barely a grown up. Suddenly, Harry feels sick to his stomach. Gemma was right, he was selfish.

************************

Harry stares at the blue sky, lost in his own thoughts. Gemma’s words are still ringing in his ears and it made him feel restless. _Selfish_. Is he really? He closes his eyes, trying to find the calm that he longing to.

“Harry?” Gemma’s voice calls out, and Harry opens his eyes, only to find her loom of figure is shadowing him on the ground. 

“Yes?” Harry asks, blinking his eyes as Gemma’s face appears above him. He waits until Gemma stands beside his body and he doesn’t move to get up, only staring at her with raising eyebrows when she sits beside Harry’s spot on the ground. 

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Gemma starts, and before Harry could say anything, she continues. “I was out of line. I shouldn’t have said all those things to you.”

Harry nods. “You shouldn’t.” He says, before continues. “But it’s okay, Gemma. I know you only wanted to tell me the truth.” 

Gemma nods, glancing briefly at Harry before she stares at the sky. “I just wish…I wish the circumstances are different. I just want to see you happy again. And you were so happy with Niall, Harry. I just wish that you guys didn’t break up.” 

Harry sighs. “It was hard, Gemma.” He says, glancing at his sister as she stares at him. “I mean, I loved him, but I had Lily before I met him. And when I lost her, I just-,” he trails off. “I think I just wanted someone to lash out to, and it happened to be him. I was angry because it wasn’t his daughter that had passed away. I had this feeling that he didn’t love her as much as I did, that’s why he seemed alright with everything. He managed to move on, went out for work like usual, but I can’t. I can’t move on from her death, how could he?” 

Gemma stares at him like he has losing his mind. She stands up abruptly, and extending her hand for Harry to take. 

“What?” Harry asks confusingly, but he takes Gemma’s hand, and let her pulling him up from the ground. 

“I want to show you something.” She says, and Harry lets her lead their way towards the house. Harry feels confused when Gemma leads them to the living room and grabs Harry’s shoulder, “sit,” she says simply, before pushing Harry to sit on the couch. 

Harry watches as his sister starts to switch on the television and he waits until Gemma inserts the DVD into the player before she takes a seat beside him. 

“What are you doing?” Harry asks curiously. “What are we going to watch?” 

Gemma shushes him, shaking her head. “Just watch.” She says, before she presses the play button. 

_“I can’t swim!”_

Harry’s eyes widen as he recognizes that voice. It was Lily’s voice. “Gemma-,” Harry says, swallowing a big lump in his throat as he can feel the emotions come rushing back towards him. He missed that voice so much. 

Gemma squeezes his hand. “It’s okay, Harry. I’m here, okay?” She says reassuringly. “Just watch.” 

Harry squeezes his sister’s hand back, and braces himself as he looks at the screen again, watching as the camera starts to pan out towards the pool. He remembers the pool, it was at his apartment complex building. 

_“Yes, you can, honey!”_ Harry hears Niall’s voice and the camera zooms out slightly, and by then Harry notices that Niall was with Lily at the pool. 

“When was this?” Harry asks, half whispering as he can’t take his eyes off the screen. Niall was teaching Lily on how to swim as it looked like. Both of them didn’t even realize that Gemma was filming them. 

“This was when you were in L.A. for a month, remember? You were so worried to leave Lily, but Niall offered to take care of her?” 

Harry nods. He remembers that. Niall had assured him that everything would be taken care of, and Niall was right. Gemma was also in town at that time so they both took their turns to take care of Lily during Harry’s absence. 

Harry watches the scene, his eyes start to mist when he hears Lily giggled when she kicked out the water, and Niall was pretending to tickle her, threatening to continue tickling her if she didn’t want to start swimming. Harry’s mouth twitch into a smile when he saw Lily was giving Niall her famous pouty look that always made him and Niall crumbled under her charm. 

_“No, don’t give me that look.” Niall whined. “How about this, if you try it for once, and you can swim properly, I’ll treat you a big chunks of ice-cream, and we won’t tell daddy about it, deal?”_

Harry hears Gemma laughed behind the camera, making it shake. 

“I didn’t know that.” Harry says, and Gemma looks at him, smiling at him gently.

“There’s a lot you didn’t know, Harry.” Gemma tells him. “They spent a lot of times together during that time.”

Harry nods, shifting his attention towards the screen again. Most of the time it was filled with Lily’s squealing and whining, but what got Harry the most was how patience and gentle Niall was with her. He can’t take his eyes off the screen where Niall was encouraging Lily to swim and the girl was smiling at him, with such trusting smile that Harry feels his heart burst with feels of love for both of them. 

_“Aw, Lily! That was so great!” Niall squealed once Lily managed to swim by herself. He pulled Lily into his hug and kissed her cheeks. “You make me feel like a proud daddy.” He said, before gently kissed her forehead. “I love you so much, baby girl.”_

_Gemma awed from behind the camera, before she shouted. “Niall! You’re so whipped by her!”_

_Niall turned his head to look at Gemma, and stuck his tongue out. “You’re just jealous that I love my daughter more than you.”_

My daughter.

Those two words seem to shake Harry out of his reverie and he blinks his eyes, trying to stop from the tears to flow out but he knows he fails when he feels Gemma is pulling him into her hug. “Gem..,” Harry trails off, “I miss her.” 

Gemma shushes him, patting his head gently. “I know, Harry. I miss her too. We all miss her.” She says quietly, but enough for Harry to hear. “You don’t have to carry the sadness alone, Harry. You have us. You have me and mum. We all loved her, Harry.” She continues, and Harry sobs harder. “Just let it all out.”

Harry doesn’t know how long that he has been crying, but it seems like forever before his tears finally subsided and he is reduced to a little sniffling. He feels Gemma’s hand rubbing his back gently and for once, he feels lighter than before. 

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispers quietly, pausing slightly. “For everything. For all the things that I’ve put you and mum through for these past few months.”

Gemma nods, leaning down to kiss his temple gently. “It’s okay, Harry. We understand.” She says. “I’m sorry too for not really being there for you. But I know you’re getting better, I can see that. And mum and I always talk about how happy we are with your progress. It’s not that I don’t care about you, Harry.” She explains. 

Harry pulls away, before leaning back against the couch. “I know. I’ve heard it sometimes. When you guys were talking about me.” 

Gemma chuckles slightly. “Oh god, your eavesdropping habit still haven’t changed!”

“Heyyyy..” Harry whines, still sniffling but he manages to crack a smile slightly. 

Gemma shakes her head, staring at Harry. “I know the real Harry is slowly coming back. You’re stronger than you think, Harry. Give yourself a little credit. I miss you.” 

“Gemma….” Harry trails off, doesn’t know what to response when he sees Gemma’s misty eyes. 

“Seriously, I miss you so much, Harry. I miss the real Harry that we all love. Harry, who Niall loved. And Harry who loved Niall back.” 

Harry leans his head on Gemma’s shoulder, and he feels her hand wrapping around his shoulder. “I miss him too.” He admits truthfully. “But I don’t know, Gemma. I-“

“Trust your instinct, Harry.” Gemma says, cutting his off. “You already lost Lily forever. Would you want to lose another person that you love, too?”

************************

“Good morning, honey.”

Harry glances up from his bowl of cereal and smiles at his mother. “Good morning.” He greets back, watching as his mother starts to make a tea. “Gemma left already, said she needed to be at her house earlier because apparently she have a date?” 

His mother laughs, before she nods. “Yeah, she told me about it yesterday.” She tells Harry. “That sister of yours, I wonder when she’s going to find someone to settle down with.” 

Harry smiles and nods, agreeing with his mother. Gemma always being unlucky in love, as what people had claimed, but Harry knows that his sister is actually has a fear of commitment. She told him herself during one of their drunken nights together. Not that Harry minds that. He, on the other hand, is the one who is always ready to commit, especially if he has found someone that he loved. And speaking of someone, “I think I’m ready to move back to London, mum.” 

“You-,” His mother stops moving, and turns around to face him. “Are you sure? I mean-,”

Harry smiles softly at his mother. “I think I am.” He says sincerely. “I had a talk with Gemma yesterday. I think she was right, I need to get a grip of my life back together. If Lily was here, she wouldn’t want me to be miserable forever, right? You know her.” 

“Oh, Harry.” His mother coos, before moving towards him and pulling him into a hug. 

Harry relishes the embrace, sighing contently. “I miss him, mum.” He says against her shoulder. “I think I made a mistake of letting him go. I was an idiot.” 

His mother pulls away, but her hands linger on his shoulder, staring at him. “You were in bad place at that time, Harry. You are not an idiot.” 

Harry sighs. “I know. But-,” he trails off. “I watched all of Gemma’s videos that she collected for Niall and Lily when I wasn’t at the house. I can see how much he loved her too, mum.” 

His mother smiles at him. “That’s true. You remember how he cried when Lily called him Papa Niall.”

Harry chuckles slightly. “I remember.” He tells his mother. “I just-“, he pauses, before he continues. “How could I not see that before? I mourned over Lily’s death, he looked after me, and I turned to you guys when I was spiralling down the road, but Niall, who was he turned to?” He says guiltily. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Harry.” His mother tells him. “He knew how to take care of himself. He’s a strong person.” 

“I know he is.” Harry says. “But that doesn’t mean that he has to be strong all of the time.” He continues. “I pushed him away, mum. I called him a killer.” He adds, blinking back his tears. How could he? “What have I done?”

His mother pulls him into a hug again. “What do you have in mind now? What are you going to do?” 

Harry falls into silence for a moment, before he speaks up again. “I want Niall back. I want to win his heart again. But I don’t think I can do that. He must’ve been hating me right now.” He says miserably. Harry feels his mother stiffens and he pulls away from the hug, gazing at his mother. “Mum?” 

His mother sighs. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this-,“

At his mother’s tone, Harry knows that whatever thing that his mother is about to tell him is important. “What is it?” He asks, his heart starts to pound nervously. 

“I’ve been texting with Niall, daily.”

Harry blinks his eyes, didn’t expect _that_ to come out from his mother’s mouth. 

“What?” He asks, dumbfounded. “Why didn’t I know about this?”

“I’m sorry, honey.” His mother apologizes. “He asked me not to tell you. He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable about it because you guys had broken up.” She continues. “But the point is, he worries about you, you know? I don’t think he hates you as much as you seem to believe.”

************************

Harry reaches his apartment in London the next weekend after he told his mother about his plan. He fumbles with his door keys for a moment, before he finally open the door.

The moment he steps into the house, he can see on how different it is, from the last time he left the place. There were some pictures missing from the table and the wall. He notices that those pictures are pictures of him and Niall. 

He swallows thickly, feeling like a rock is sitting on his chest when he realizes that Niall had moved out all of his things from the house. For a moment, he feels mad at himself for letting Niall go. 

The sudden buzzes of his phone startling him out of his stupor and he fishes out the phone from his pocket, reading a new message from Gemma. 

_Good luck. Go get your lover back.:) xx p/s: I like him as a brother more than I like you :P_

Harry chuckles, shaking his head as he replies the text. He always know how Gemma is so infatuated with Niall as her other brother, which is the same case as his mum. Harry remembers how he felt so relieved when they both accepted Niall in their little family. It’s important for Harry to get the seal of approval from his family and when he saw how much Niall was loved by his mother and sister, and even Lily, he felt like he had never fallen in love more than he did with Niall.

That night, Harry goes to sleep with a certain determination in his mind. To get Niall back into his life.

************************

“I don’t have time for this. What do you want?” Zayn asks harshly, and Harry feels so small as he sits in front of the guy at the café.

“Zayn.” Louis warns, and Harry watches as Zayn softens his expression when he looks at Louis on his side. 

Harry averts his eyes, staring at the window instead, because staring at them remind him so much of him and Niall. “How’s Niall?” He asks softly, before he turns his head to look at both Zayn and Louis again. 

“Why do you care?” Zayn quips, and Louis rolls his eyes, slapping Zayn’s arm gently. 

“As far as I know, he’s fine.” Louis replies, smiling slightly at Harry. 

Harry nods, his thumb hover over the edge of his cup nervously. He clears his throat before he starts to speak up again. “I tried to call him, but the number is no longer in use? I think.” 

Louis nods, confirming Harry’s uncertain question. “He changed his number.” 

“Oh.” Harry says simply. He ignores Zayn’s hard stare on him, and continue to speak up again. “I just-, I want to meet him, you know, to talk to him.” 

“What are you going to talk to him about? How to break his heart again?” Zayn snaps. 

Harry swallows thickly, shaking his head. “No, I want to apologize. For being an idiot.”

“Damn right you are.” Zayn quips, and Louis sighs, shaking his head. 

“He’s not here, Harry.” Louis says, and Harry raises his eyebrows in confusion. 

“Oh, he’s off his shift?” Harry asks curiously. He wonders if Niall is on night shift instead of the day shift like he used to. It’s been a while since Harry went to the hospital to see Niall anyway. And the last time was not to visit Niall as he used to, but Niall was the one who visited him on the hospital bed. 

Louis shakes his head, staring at Harry. “He’s not _here._ ”

Harry’s heart pounds as he hears Louis’s tone, and he gulps nervously. “What do you mean?” 

“What Louis meant was, Niall’s not working here anymore.” Zayn pipes in. 

“What?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes at Harry, snorting slightly. “Don’t act so surprise.” 

Louis shakes his head at Zayn. “Zayn-,”

Zayn turns his head to his left to look at Louis. “What? He needs to know the truth, Louis.” Zayn argues, his tone hard and frankly speaking, it makes Harry feels intimidating. 

“I know it was my fault.” Harry says suddenly, making both Zayn and Louis to turn to look at him again. “But I was just hurt-,”

“It wasn’t just you!” Zayn roars, and when he realizes that other people at the café are starting to stare at them, he lowers his tone. “It wasn’t just you that hurt, okay? He was hurting too.” He hisses. 

Harry nods. “I know. Gemma knocked some sense into me. I know that now. But I didn’t know that he would stop working here.” 

Zayn sighs, shaking his head. “You don’t know half of it, Harry.” 

Harry’s eyes darting between Zayn and Louis, staring at them confusingly. “I don’t understand.” 

Louis rubs his hand over his face, taking a deep breath, and glancing at Zayn briefly, as in to ask for his permission before he could reply to Harry. Zayn nods, and Louis shifts his attention to Harry again. 

“The thing is, Niall is not just not working here anymore.” Louis starts, before he continues. “He refused to be a doctor anymore.” 

If Harry thought the guilt feeling that he had before was worst, hearing those words from Louis makes it a million times worse. “No,” he whispers disbelievingly. Niall loved his job, he told Harry that. Harry heard it himself on how Niall had said that he loved his job more than anything in this world. Now Harry knows why Zayn looks so mad. Harry had not just managed to break Niall’s heart, but he drove Niall to the point of giving up his dream job too. 

“I need to find him, please. Tell me where it is.” Harry pleads. “I need to fix this.” 

“I don’t think-,”

“No, Zayn.” Harry says quickly, cutting Zayn off. “Please, I can’t bear to know that he gave up the job that he was inspired to do by his dad, because of a stupid idiot like me.” He says, eyes start to mist because his heart hurt, it hurts to think that Niall, the person as strong willed as Niall, gave up on his dream just like that. 

Zayn must sense Harry’s distressed state when he finally sighs. “Just, don’t make him cry again.” He warns, but this time his tone is softer than before. 

Harry nods. “I won’t. I can promise you I won’t.” He says firmly. 

Zayn seems satisfied with Harry’s answer, before he nods. “I’ll text you his new address.”

************************

It’s not the first time that Harry had stepped in New York. But usually, he’s in the town for his meeting with his songwriter’s friends. This time, he’s in the town for a different reason.

When he received the address from Zayn, he had to ask the guy for confirmation, because he didn’t expect that Niall’s new address would be in New York. Zayn just sent him a reply with, “he was heartbroken, Harry.” 

And that was enough for Harry to understand why Niall had chosen to move away to the other continent that’s so far away from London. 

Harry’s too jitter to stay still at the hotel, so once he dropped his bags, he decides to go straight to the address that has been saved in his phone. He feels so nervous as he walks down to the building but he also feels determine to do this. 

“Hello, welcome to Studio 93. How may I help you?” The guy with a warm smile greets Harry when he reaches the door. 

Harry smiles back at him, glancing around. “I’m looking for Niall? If I’m not wrong, someone told me he’s working here.” 

“Yes, he is.” The guy says, still smiling. “I’m Liam, by the way, the owner of this studio.” He says, extending his hand for Harry to shake. 

“So, you want to register your kid for his lesson too?” Liam asks, looking at him, already pulling out the registration form from the drawer. 

Harry shakes his head. “Urm, I’m Harry. A friend of his.” He says, unsure on how to introduce himself to Liam. He doesn’t think introducing himself as Niall’s ex-boyfriend would look appropriate at the moment. 

A flash of recognition flashes in Liam’s eyes, as he stares at Harry. “Oh, you’re Harry?” 

Harry gulps nervously, before he nods. “Yeah. You know me?”

Liam nods, still smiling brightly at him. “Yeah, Niall and I, we’re old friends, you know? He used to come here for holiday with his parents, before-,” He trails off, looking at Harry unsurely. 

“They died, I know.” Harry says. 

Liam sighs. “Yeah, what a tragic event. Poor Niall.” He says solemnly, before he continues. “But anyway, we know each other for a longest time, so pretty much he talks about everything with me.”

“Oh, I see.” Harry says, not knowing what else to say. Did Liam know that Harry had broken Niall’s heart? Or worst, he was the reason why Niall was in New York in the first place? Harry takes a chance to glance at Liam as they both walking towards the other end of the studio. Liam seems indifference when he saw Harry, unlike Zayn, so Harry assumed Liam didn’t know about the history between him and Niall. 

Liam leads him until they reach one small room at the end of the studio, with a large glass window. That’s when Harry sees _him._ Niall is kneeling in front of one of the kids, and Harry can see his encouraging smile towards the kid as the kid is struggling with the guitar string. The expression on Niall’s face reminds Harry of the time when Niall was so patient with Lily. 

“He’s really good with kids, you know? So gentle and patient. He’s so lovable that everyone wants to be in his class.” Liam says, startling Harry out of his stupor. He watches as Liam is watching the scene with a fond smile on his face, and suddenly Harry feels a little bit jealous. 

Harry swallows a big lump in his throat, mentally scolding himself for feeling jealous, but he can’t help it. Liam looks like a more perfect person for Niall rather than Harry. And to think that Liam had the privilege of knowing Niall years before Harry met him, it makes Harry’s inside filled with envy. 

“What are you doing here, Li? I know you love Niall, but this stalking thing that you do to him needs to be stopped.” A woman’s voice appears behind them and both Harry and Liam turn around. 

Harry feels his heart drops as he tries to process the woman’s words. So it’s true that Liam loves Niall. A part of Harry’s spirit goes away with the sudden realization that Niall might have moved on with Liam. Who knows? 

He tries his best to force a small smile, although his heart feels heavy at the thought of Niall would never be with him again. Until suddenly, the woman starts to kiss Liam, and Harry’s eyes widen. 

He watches as Liam melts into the kiss, laughing between the kisses until they pull away, and both of them turn to look at Harry. 

“Harry, let me introduce you to this pretty woman.” Liam says, wrapping his arm around the woman lovingly. “This is my wife, Sophia. We actually own this studio together.” 

Harry feels his spirit lifts up again, and too stunned to respond with anything at the moment, except for, “oh.” Then he realizes what an idiot he has been and shakes his head. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just-,” he trails off, unsurely, cheeks burning with embarrassment as the couple stare at him. “Nice to meet you, Sophia.”

Liam chuckles, before he nods and smiles knowingly at Harry. “Talk to him. His class will end in 10 minutes, then he’s all yours.” Liam says, winking at Harry before he walks away with Sophia in tow. 

Harry thinks Liam might know about him and Niall after all.

************************

Harry smiles, feeling a slight pang in his heart as he watches all the kids go to hug Niall after the class finished.

“Thank you, Mr. Niall. I’ll see you tomorrow!” One of the kids says enthusiastically, jumping to hug Niall until he almost topples back on the floor. 

Harry rolls his eyes, shaking his head fondly as he watches the scene. Niall is always great with the kids. Harry bets Niall got the kids wrapped around his finger by the first time they met him. It’s what Niall always do, charming his way into someone’s life. And Harry was definitely one of the people that had fallen under Niall’s charm. 

Niall doesn’t seem to notice Harry yet, as Harry stands behind the window, hiding from the plain sight, patiently waiting until all of the kids leave the room. It takes a while, until the last kid leaves the room and Niall starts to pack his stuff. That’s when Harry decides to announce his presence. 

“Hi, Niall.”

Niall freezes when he hears Harry’s voice, before slowly turning around to face Harry. 

Harry wonders how he could forget that seeing Niall always made his heart races, like it does at the moment. The guy standing in front of Harry seems older than the last time Harry saw him. Niall’s hair is slightly longer, curling out near his neck, but his face doesn’t change much, except it looks a bit tanned compared to the time when Harry last saw him in London. But Niall’s eyes, those beautiful eyes, are cautious as he stares at Harry. 

“Hi.” Niall greets back, and Harry breaks out of his reverie. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?” 

Harry steps closer towards Niall, a little bit unsure on how much distance that is appropriate for them to stand near each other. If it’s up to Harry, he would run and hug Niall tightly, maybe even kiss him but he doesn’t think that Niall would appreciate that. In fact, Niall might’ve slapped him across the face and send him back to London. So, he settles for just smiling at Niall. 

“I wanted to see you.” Harry says simply, before he continues. “I asked Zayn for your address. I hope you don’t mind.” 

Niall shakes his head. “I don’t mind.” He tells Harry, before he sits down on one of the chairs in the room. Harry follows Niall’s lead and sits down on the other chair too. Niall stares at Harry, smiling slightly. “So, how are you?” 

Harry smiles in return, glad that at least Niall is making an effort to start a conversation with him instead of chasing him away. “I’m fine. Feeling good.” He tells Niall. “I think I’m in a better place right in my life right now.” 

Niall nods. “That’s good to hear.” He says, and Harry can hear the sincere tone in his words, which warmth Harry’s heart so much. Niall is just too good for the world. 

They fall into silence for a moment, neither doesn’t know what to say, because there are so many things left unsaid the last time they saw each other. 

Harry glances around, praying that he would come more prepared rather than this. He thought he was prepared, but seeing Niall again, apparently leaving him speechless. “I might admit, I didn’t see you as a music teacher. I thought I was the only one who likes the whole music-fiasco thing,” Harry blurts out. 

Niall chuckles, before he leans back against the chair. Niall looks so soft that Harry wants to cuddle him, and listen to his story like they used to, but he knows he can’t and he’s totally aware it was because of his own fault. 

“I used to be in a school band.” Niall starts and Harry raises his eyebrows. 

“Seriously? How come I didn’t know that?” Harry asks, slightly offended that Niall didn’t tell him about this little fact of his life. 

Niall grins at him. “It wasn’t that important.” He tells Harry. “Anyway, I used to play guitar back then, but when my parents died, I stopped.” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Niall.” 

Niall shakes his head, still grinning. “No, it’s okay. It wasn’t because I was triggered or whatever, but because I had decided to be a doctor, so I needed to focus more on my study, you know? So I dropped my guitar, and went to medic school, studied, and then I was too busy to pick up my guitar again to play once I was working, so that’s that.” He says, pausing slightly, before he continues. “When Liam said that he needed a guitar teacher at his studio few months back, I figured, why not?” 

Harry nods understandingly. Although he just can’t help it when he blurts out, “but I thought you loved being a doctor.” 

Niall’s smile falters slightly, and he averts his eyes from looking at Harry, staring at the blank wall instead. “Yeah, I guess I just don’t love it anymore.” 

“Niall-,“

“Can we just, not talk about this?” Niall says suddenly, cutting Harry off. 

Harry shakes his head. “No, we can’t.” He says firmly, which makes Niall to turn to look at him again. “We need to talk about this, Niall. I came here so that we can talk. About everything. About us.” 

“What’s there to talk about, Harry?” Niall asks, before he sighs heavily.

Harry notices how exhausted Niall looks at the moment, how lack of energy he is compared to the Niall that he had known before. “I know it was my fault to push you away, Niall. And I’m sorry. I really, really want to apologize for that.” 

Niall shakes his head. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was.” Harry insists stubbornly. “It was, and I realized that now, and I just want to ask for your forgiveness.”

“Harry-,”

Harry shakes his head. “Don’t say that it wasn’t my fault, Niall. We’re both adults here. I can admit my mistake, but what I need for you to do is to forgive me for all of the hard times that I’ve put you through. For all of the times that I’ve been horrible towards you. I was an idiot. I didn’t see that you were just trying to help me. So I pushed you away, and I’m so sorry.” He says, blinking his tears away, as he feels like he has laid out his heart for Niall to see. He needs Niall to understand that he really wants to make things right again. 

“Harry, I forgive you, okay?” Niall says gently, reaching for Harry’s body and pulling him into a hug. 

Harry melts under the embrace, and when Niall pats his back gently, he starts to clutch on the back of Niall’s shirt tightly, and breaks down crying. 

Harry doesn’t know how long he ends up crying but it’s a while later when he starts sniffle, and pulls away from Niall, “I’m sorry.” He says, noticing the wet spots on Niall’s shirts and his cheeks burn with embarrassment. 

Niall seems to notice that and he smiles gently at Harry. “It’s okay.” He tells Harry. “I’m glad I literally can be a shoulder for you to cry on.” He jokes lightly, trying to ease the atmosphere. 

Harry chuckles, before he nods. “You’re a good guy, Niall.” 

Niall shrugs, “not really a good guy, but I think I’m decent enough.” He says jokingly, earning a chuckle from Harry again. Gosh, Harry hasn’t even been with Niall for an hour yet he feels happier and lighter than he has ever been in months. 

“Do you-,” Harry trails off unsurely. “Do you forgive me?” 

Niall stares at him, smiling softly, before he nods. “Of course I forgive you, Harry.” 

Instinctively, Harry grabs Niall’s body and pulls him into a tight hug. “Thank you.” 

Once they pull away, Harry smiles at Niall. He really wants to kiss Niall at the moment, but he doesn’t want to ruin the boundary. So instead with a sudden confidence that he doesn’t know he possesses, he asks, “what would you say if I ask you out sometimes?” 

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Out?” 

Harry nods. “Like a date.” He says firmly, getting straight to the point. 

Niall’s eyes widen, before he shakes his head slightly, but Harry won’t bulge. He had a plan to win Niall’s heart back, and he will. 

“Please, just give me a chance? Give _us_ a chance?” 

Niall sighs, but from the years of knowing Niall, Harry knows it’s not a bad sigh. “Harry-,” 

“Niall.” Harry parrots, and mentally congratulates himself when he sees a twitch of Niall’s lips, starting to form a smile.

Harry stares at Niall, jutting his lips slightly, and purposely using his infamous stare, which makes Niall smile finally. Niall’s cheeks turn to red, and it’s so endearing that Harry feels like he wants to coo. “Okay,” Niall says finally. 

And that one word seems enough for Harry at the moment.

************************

There are so many people that Harry knows would call him, but never did he expect that Zayn would. He stares at the phone screen confusingly, as it keeps ringing with Zayn’s name on display. “Hello?”

“Hey, Harry.” Zayn greets from the other end of the call. Harry hears some chatters on the background before a moment later, it’s silent. “Sorry, forgot to turn down the speaker.” 

Harry nods, but then he realizes that Zayn can’t see him. “Yeah.” He replies awkwardly, doesn’t really know what else to say. The last time that he had seen Zayn, the guy was not really happy to see him, and Harry is not sure about how he stands with Zayn at the moment. 

Zayn clears his throat, before he starts to speak up again. “So, Niall called me last night.” 

“Oh.” Harry says simply. Frankly speaking, he’s not really surprised about it. He knows how tight Niall is with Zayn. Their bond reminds him of himself and Gemma. “What did he tell you?” He asks, getting straight to the point. 

“He didn’t give me all the details, you know him.” Zayn tells Harry. 

“Yeah, it’s like pulling teeth to get him to talk, right?” Harry says, smiling slightly as he remembers that trait of Niall. Despite being friendly and loud as he is, Niall is actually so secretive about his private life. That’s one of the reasons that made Harry fall for him in the first place. 

Zayn chuckles slightly, and Harry feels some of the weight on his chest getting lighter than before. At least Zayn is not being as serious as he was before with Harry. “He talked about you, about how you were asking him for forgiveness.” Zayn says, pausing slightly, before he continues, “and how you were asking him to go on a date.” 

Harry moves to sit on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. “What did you tell him?” He asks curiously. 

“I told him that it’s his decision to make.” Zayn says and Harry nods. It seems fair enough. “I asked him if he still loves you,” Zayn continues. 

“Does he?” 

Zayn hums, taking a deep breath, and it makes Harry nervous to wait for his reply. “That’s not my place to tell you, Harry.” Zayn says finally. “But talk to him, okay? I know I was mad at you the other day. I _am_ still mad.”

Harry gulps. “You are?” 

Zayn snorts. “Of course I am.” He says simply. “You know how Niall is like my little brother, of course I’m mad at you for hurting him. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you too, Harry. You both are great guys and nobody in this world deserve happiness more than the two of you. I don’t know if it means that you both will find happiness with or without each other, but one thing I know is at least both of you deserve a proper peace and closure.”

Harry blinks his eyes, too stunned and touched with Zayn’s words about him deserving happiness. He knows Zayn doesn’t throw the affection easily and to hear that Zayn loves him too, makes Harry feel so grateful that he had found Zayn in his life. “Thank you so much, Zayn. I will talk to Niall.” He says, before he adds, “and for the record, Zayn, I love you too.”

************************

Harry takes his time before he reaches the park, glancing around until he sees Niall on the bench. He stands still, watching, admiring the beauty that is Niall.

Niall wears a blue coat, on top of his white shirt, and blue jeans, with his brown boots, and Harry chuckles slightly as he sees the boot. It’s good to know that he had managed to influence Niall for wearing the boots. He remembers how Niall was offended when Harry told him that he was too old for sneakers and should wear boots instead. It took time but slowly, Niall came to admit that he liked the way he looked when he wore boots like Harry suggested. 

“Hey.” Harry greets as soon as he reaches the bench. 

Niall glances up, smiling at Harry. “Hey.” 

“Do you mind if we walk to the lake?” Harry asks, and Niall nods, before he stands up from the bench. 

Out of habit, Harry offers his hand, and he’s about to retract his hand back but part of him is telling him to keep trying to see if Niall is alright with the gesture. Niall stares down at the hand, before he glances up to look at Harry. Silently, Niall lets Harry holding his hand and Harry never feels happier. 

“You know, when I was a kid, I loved to go this park.” Niall starts as they head towards the lake. 

Harry nods. “Really? What’s so special about this park?” 

Niall shrugs, smiling slightly as he seems to recall the memories. “I don’t know, just spending time with my family and Liam’s family too, cause both of our families were best friends with each other. So every time I came here with my parents, Liam and I were always hanging out together. Did you know that?”

“Yeah, Liam told me briefly that you two were close friends.” Harry says. 

Niall smiles gently. “Yeah, I’m glad we still are.” 

Harry nods, as Niall continues to tell him about his stories during his childhood. It feels refreshing, listening to Niall’s voice, narrating the story of his childhood that Harry haven’t heard before. 

“Ah, I love this lake.” Niall declares once they reach the bridge. They both sit down, with their legs dangling over the edge of the bridge. 

Harry can’t help but feel a little bit sad when they have to keep their hands apart once they’re sitting down, but he makes sure that he can sit as close as he can besides Niall. Their thighs and arms are touching each other’s as they sit side by side and Harry feels happy that at least Niall doesn’t scoot away from him. 

They both fall into a comfortable silence, staring at the lake, lost in their own thoughts. 

“Lily loved going to the park too, you know.” Harry says, breaking the silence, and he can feel Niall starts to stiffen beside him. “She loved feeding the ducks.” He adds, smiling slightly as he recalls the memories. 

“I know.” Niall replies quietly, and Harry almost feel bad to bring up about Lily, but he knows that sooner or later, they both have to start to talk about it. It’s an inevitable topic for both of them. 

“I miss her.” Harry says. 

Niall nods too, not looking at Harry, but still staring at the lake. Harry tilts his head to his right slightly, to look for Niall’s reaction. “Niall?” He coaxes after Niall doesn’t say anything. 

“I miss her too.” Niall says quietly, before he continues. “I’m sorry that you lost her, Harry. It was my fault.” 

Harry shakes his head, tentatively squeezing Niall’s arm. “It was not your fault, okay? It was completely not your fault.” He says, and when Niall is still refusing to look at him, Harry’s finger reaches for Niall’s chin, tilting his head to look at him properly, staring right into Niall’s eyes. “Look, I’m sorry if I made you believe that it was your fault, but I was an idiot, okay? I was wrong. I shouldn’t even said that to you. You were just doing your job.” He says firmly, hoping that Niall would get his point across. 

“But-,”

“No but, Niall. You did your best, I know that now, and God loved her more that He take her away from us earlier than we expected, but who am I to deny that?” Harry says. He shifts slightly, until he can face Niall properly, reaching for Niall’s hands and hold it gently. “Let’s go home, with me? Back to London. Everyone missed you back home. _I_ missed you.” 

Niall stares at Harry, eyes misty with unshed tears, as he shakes his head. “I can’t.” He says softly. 

“Why?” 

“It’s just-,” Niall trails off, taking a deep breath before he continues. “There’s too much memories back home, Harry. I don’t think I can….not right now.” He tells Harry. 

Harry nods understandingly, before he reaches for Niall’s face, his thumb caressing on Niall’s cheeks gently. “I understand. It may be not the answer that I want to hear, but I understand, okay?” He says, and smiles slightly when Niall leans into his touch. 

“I’m sorry.” Niall says, letting out a trembling sigh. “Just, I need some time.” 

“I know.” Harry says softly. “I’ll wait for you.”

************************

Keeping in touch with people who living between different continents are hard.

That much Harry knows as he sighs slightly, staring at his laptop, which is now just blank because Niall just went to sleep after they had their online chat. Skype is good, but not good enough because Harry is longing to see, and touch Niall in a flesh.

But Harry won’t complain, because at least Niall has agreed to give them a second chance to date. Well, the exact word wasn’t exactly a date, as Niall had told him, “hanging out with a mate,” or something but Harry doesn’t care. All he knows is, he will try his best to fight for Niall’s heart again. To make Niall to accept him again. 

Even though sometimes, he longing for Niall to kiss him or vice versa. But every time Harry tries to head their conversations or actions towards that direction, Niall always retracts.

Harry knows that Niall wants to take it slow, but he also knows that they can’t be like this forever.

That’s why he ends up sitting in front of Zayn the next day, telling the guy about his dilemma at the moment.

“But you told him that you’ll wait for him, Harry.” Zayn points out, and Harry doesn’t even waver when he notices a slight judging tone in Zayn’s voice. That’s actually the reason why he chose to talk to Zayn, because he knows that Zayn doesn’t have a filter in his words and Harry needs an honest opinion, despite how brutal it might be.

Harry sighs. “I know,” he says, pausing slightly. “But we’ve been on dates,” he says and quickly retracts his words when Zayn is raising his eyebrows at him, “okay, we’ve been hanging out quite a few times now. And I make it completely clear that I want to get back together again.”

Zayn sips on his tea, squinting his eyes at Harry, as he waits for Harry to continue.

“But it’s been almost a year, Zayn.” Harry says, and sighs heavily. “I feel like maybe, he just doesn’t want me again.” He adds quietly.

Zayn snorts, shaking his head. “I might not know what’s going on in his mind sometimes, Harry, but I for sure know that he still cares about you.”

Harry sighs, again. “But that’s the problem, Zayn. I care, and love him too. But he, yeah, maybe he cares, but does he love me anymore?”

“I don’t think I’m the right person for you to ask that question, Harry. I told you this.” Zayn says, pausing slightly, as he stares at Harry. “He’s protecting his heart, Harry.”

“Or maybe he’s just punishing me for my mistake.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, he’s not, Harry. I think you just got to try harder this time to win his heart back. Let him know how serious you are. Make him trust you again.”

Harry leans back against his chair, defeated. “But how?”

Zayn smiles at him. “You’ll figure it out. I trust you.”

************************

“Harry, can I open my eyes now?” Niall whines, and Harry chuckles, making sure his hands are still covering Niall’s eyes properly.

“Just a little bit.” Harry says, carefully leading Niall to the centre of the room. His eyes catch on Liam’s, and Harry nods, smiling gratefully at Liam for letting him to do this at his house.

Liam returns Harry’s smile and everybody else in the room keep quiet, before Harry finally stops walking and lets Niall stand at the centre of the room. Slowly, he pulls down his hands, and smiles at Niall. “Open your eyes now.”

Once Niall’s eyes are opened, everyone in the room starts to scream, “Surprise!!!”

Niall’s eyes widen, too stunned to react before his face breaks into a large grin. “Oh, my god!” He shrieks happily.

Harry grins in return. “Happy birthday, Niall.” He wishes softly.

Niall stares at him, shaking his head. “You planned this?”

“Of course he did.” Zayn pipes in from behind Niall, making Niall to spin around. jumping onto his friend.

“Zayn!! You’re here!!” Niall says, pulling Zayn into a tight hug. “I can’t believe you’re here. I miss you.”

Harry laughs when he sees Louis rolls his eyes at both Zayn and Niall. “Hello, what about me?” Louis whines from the other side, and Niall scrambles away from Zayn, only to move to hug Louis after that.

“I miss you too.” Niall declares happily.

Louis laughs, before tighten his grip on Niall. “I miss you too, Ni.” He says gently, and Harry can see that Louis’s eyes are misty, trying to control himself from crying. Harry smiles, knowing that after a few years of being friends with them, Louis is actually a big softie when it comes to the people that he loves.

“Hey, enough with the reunion, time to cut the cakes.” Liam shouts from the other side of the room, carrying a big cake in his hand towards Niall. “Happy birthday to you…” Liam starts to sing followed by everyone else in the room.

It’s a couple of hours later when the party starts to die down, Harry catching himself smiling when he sees Niall is still energetic, talking to Harry’s mom and sister animatedly. 

“I’m pretty sure that you’ve been stalking Niall all night long, Harry.” Louis says, suddenly standing beside Harry and smirking smugly when Harry starts to blush.

“So what?” Harry says, and mentally slapping himself for the poor comeback.

Louis barks a laugh, before he shakes his head. Once he stops laughing, he turns to look at Harry. “I’ve heard from someone that you’re going to serenade our little Niall tonight?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “I thought Zayn is supposed to be the secretive one.” He whines.

“To everyone else, yes, but to me? Not a chance.” Louis says, sticking his tongue out at Harry.

Harry laughs, punching Louis’s arm playfully. “Yeah, actually-,” Harry trails off, before he sighs. “Do you think it’s a good idea? I mean, it’s not like I’m going to serenade him or anything, but that song, those lyrics are the words for Niall that came into my mind when I wrote it. I just want him to know that I’m serious about him.”

Louis smiles gently at him, grabbing both of Harry’s shoulder, staring right into Harry’s eyes. “Look, Harry. There’s nothing right and wrong in showcasing your love for someone, okay? Everyone has their own different ways, and if this is your way to let Niall know, then you just have to have faith in it.”

Harry swallows a big lump in his throat, before pulling Louis into his hug. “Thank you, Louis.” He says, voice slightly croaking. “Thank you so much for all of you. I thought you guys would hate me for hurting Niall before.”

Louis pats Harry’s back reassuringly. “Nobody’s perfect in this world, Harry. We all make mistakes along the way. You did it too. And now you want to redeem yourself, who are we to deny that?” Louis says once they pull away. “But if you hurt him again-,”

“I won’t.” Harry says firmly. “I love him, Louis.”

Louis nods, glancing towards the spot where Niall is still talking happily to Anne and Gemma. “I know you do.” He says, before looking at Harry again. “Good luck.”

Harry watches Louis’s retreating figure as he walks away. Harry moves towards the big piano in the room, and clears his throat. “Attention, everyone.” He starts, and all of them stop talking, shifting their attention towards Harry.

Harry smiles at them, and lets his gaze stops on Niall. “So, I have this new song that I wrote these past few months.” He says. “It’s not that great, but it’s meant so much to me. I never planned to publish this song because I’m saving it for tonight. Since tonight is the special night for Niall’s birthday, I thought it would be a perfect time to play this song for the first time. And Niall, I would like you to know that this is my gift for you.” Harry says, before he starts to sit on the bench in front of the piano, and starts to play. 

_”Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, you don’t know how lovely you are,_ ” Harry begins to sing, glancing up and catches Niall’s eyes on him. _”I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart,”_ he continues singing. _“Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions, oh let’s go back to the start.”_

Harry pauses slightly on the piano, making sure that he looks right into Niall’s eyes. It feels like everyone else disappears and the only one that he can see is Niall. _”Nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame for us to part, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard, oh take me back to the start.._ ” He continues, before he starts closing his eyes, getting lost in the song. 

Once the song ends, Harry glances up, searching for Niall’s reaction but all he can see is the empty spot where Niall was standing just now. Harry feels his heart drops. “He went to the backyard.” Liam says, and Harry, without wasting any time, bolts off to find Niall. 

The moment Harry spots Niall in the backyard, Niall is sitting on the ground, staring into the distance, with his knees tucked under his chin and he looks _so_ young than he actually is, and it makes Harry’s heart clenches. 

Harry takes a seat beside Niall, “hey,” he greets softly. 

Niall glances briefly at him, nodding, “hey,” he greets back before he stares into the distance again, not really looking at Harry. “Thanks for the party tonight. It was great. You’re so thoughtful to bring all of those people to come here.” 

Harry nods. “You’re welcome. And it’s my pleasure to fly them to here. They all missed you.” He says.

“I missed them too.” Niall says, before he falls into silence again. The silence lingers for a moment, before Niall takes a deep breath and speaks up again. “Did you really write that song-,” he trails off unsurely, glancing at Harry briefly. 

“For you? Yes, I did.” Harry says, firm tone in his voice. Then, he shifts his position, starting to kneel in front of Niall. “I meant what I said in those lyrics, Niall. I meant it when I said that I want us to be together again. I want us to start again, to be in love again.” Harry says. “I don’t know about you, but I still love you with all my heart, Niall. I know you might not believe me after the mistakes that I’ve done, but I do still love you. I want you to let me back into your life. I want us to build our life together again. I need you in my life, Niall. I want you to love me back, because if I know one thing for sure, it’s that I’m still in love with you.” He confesses, staring right into Niall’s eyes, and feeling like his own eyes are damp with tears because it’s all are so overwhelming. He just needs Niall to understand that he is truly in love with him. 

Niall inhales a deep breath, before he smiles shakily, and the tears start flowing out involuntarily. “You know what’s funny?” He says, staring at Harry, eyes are brimming with tears. “I still love you too, Harry.” 

Harry breathes in relief after he hears those words from Niall. Harry smiles gently, his thumbs reaching for Niall’s face, wiping away his tears. Slowly, Harry leans down to kiss Niall’s face, and let it linger on his cheeks, before he moves to kiss Niall’s lips. 

Niall’s lips are still as soft as he can remember, and Harry feels like he could cry from the way it touches his own lips. The kiss is not rushed, and Harry lets it linger for a while, lost in the thoughts that he can kiss Niall again after all of this while. After all of those months being apart. After all of the things they had to go through. 

“Can we start again?” Harry says once they pull away, leaning their foreheads together, and noses almost touching, staring into each other’s eyes. 

Niall sighs contently. “Yes, we can.”

************************

Niall stares at his reflection in the mirror, sighing heavily and is about to turn around when he feels Harry’s arms sneaking on his waist.

Harry hooks his chin on Niall’s shoulder, staring at the mirror too. 

“Hey, I was waiting for you downstairs but you took forever to come down. What took you so long?” Harry asks, staring at Niall’s reflection in the mirror. 

Niall puts his hands on top of Harry’s, leaning back against the taller guy, needing comfort at the moment. “I’m nervous.” He admits truthfully. “It’s been a while since I’ve been at the hospital, and I-, what if I fuck up again?”

Harry spins Niall around to face him, holding him close, before leaning down slightly to kiss Niall’s forehead. “We talked about this, Niall. It wasn’t anyone’s fault about what happened. It was all about fate. I accepted it, I think you should too.” Harry says, rubbing his hands over Niall’s body gently, comforting him. “You know you belong there, Niall. You’re one of the best doctors that they had. And you deserve it. I’m so proud of you, don’t forget that, yeah?” 

Niall lets out a trembling sigh, before he finally nods. “Thank you, Harry.” 

Harry smiles. “No need to thank me.” He says, before reaching for Niall’s hand, and leading him towards the door. “We need to move now or you’d be late on your first day back at the hospital.” 

Niall stops walking, tugging Harry’s hand, making Harry to stop too. Harry turns around, only to find Niall is grinning widely at him. “I don’t think they would mind much if I missed the morning brief session.” Niall says, before he moves closer towards Harry. “What would you say if I’d let you be my _doctor_ for the morning?”

Harry’s eyes widen, when he realizes what Niall is implying with his words. When Niall starts to grind against him, Harry starts to groan. 

Niall chuckles when he sees Harry’s expression and Harry rolls his eyes before he pulls Niall’s body against him, “I’ll give you a thoroughly _check-up_ , Mr. Niall.” He whispers into Niall’s ear, hands already groping Niall’s ass.

It doesn’t take long before they both are completely naked on the bed, moaning each other’s name in a tangled mess. 

And Niall is _totally_ late for his first day back at the hospital.

************************

“Hey, Lily, it’s daddy here.” Harry starts, staring at the gravestone which is curved with his daughter’s name. “I’m sorry it’s been a while since I came here. I was too busy re-arranging my new life. With Papa Niall.” He adds, and Harry feels Niall squeezes his hand, and he tilts his head to his right, smiling slightly at Niall, before he turns to face the gravestone again. “Do you remember when I came here and told you that I missed Papa Niall when he went away? Well, he’s with me now.”

Harry pauses slightly, before he continues. “We’re getting married, Lily. If you were here, I bet you’d be happy to know that. I could totally imagine you being the prettiest flower girl that I’ve ever seen.” He continues, eyes filled with unshed tears. “But you aren’t here, and that’s okay too. I believe you’re watching over me, over us, from the heaven above, and I’m okay with that. Just remember that I love you, okay? Just remember that I’ll always love you and Papa Niall loves you too. You’ll forever be our daughter.”

************************

The next day is the happiest day in both Harry and Niall’s lives. They both cried when they were proudly announced as an official married couple, and their kisses are messes with their tears.

The event is simple, filled with close friends and family and Harry can’t believe that he is married to Niall. 

Niall feels the same way too, as he leans his head against Harry’s shoulder, when they dance for their first dance as a married couple. “Have you ever imagined that we will end up like we are tonight?” Niall asks, as they both dance to the song. 

_I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet…_

“Would you laugh if I tell you I have?” Harry asks, and Niall pulls away slightly to stare at Harry’s eyes. 

“Really?” 

Harry nods, staring at Niall’s face, and his heart is so full of warmth and happiness, and he doesn’t know how he can be married to a guy as beautiful as Niall. Inside and out. “You probably didn’t know this, but I was planning to marry you long before you agreed to move in with me. You stole my heart since the beginning, Niall. And you didn’t even realize that.” 

Niall’s face turns to a different shade of red, and he tries his best to hide his blush but Harry sees it anyway. “You’re such a sap.” Niall grumbles shyly, and Harry laughs, before pulling Niall closer towards his body, swaying with the beat of the song. 

_I was made to keep your body warm.._  
 _But I’m cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms.._

“Thank you Niall, for everything. For accepting me the way I am, for loving me during my good and my worst, and for giving me a chance to be your husband. I love you, so much.” Harry says, still staring right into Niall’s eyes. 

Niall blinks his eyes, trying to blink the tears away. “I love you too, Harry.” He says, voice thick with emotions before he shifts, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck, tilting his head up slightly before he pulls Harry’s face into a kiss. 

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved.._

Harry returns Niall’s kiss, his hands around Niall’s waist tighten, pulling Niall closer towards him. 

_This feels like falling in love…_

**Author's Note:**

> p/s/s: Lyrics are from Coldplay - The Scientist and Ed Sheeran-Kiss Me. 
> 
> Hurm, yeah, so, what do you think?


End file.
